


maybe it's time for miracles

by zhuzhting



Series: standing still; falling deep [1]
Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Angst, Exes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-05-01 15:38:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14523792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zhuzhting/pseuds/zhuzhting
Summary: In a world that’s so imperceptibly deceitful, Zhengting doesn’t trust anyone outside his little group.When a boy lands on their doorstep though, he can’t seem to turn him away, despite every fiber of his being yelling this is wrong.---translated intoChineseby Hyjjyh1314





	1. Chapter 1

In a world that’s so imperceptibly deceitful, Zhengting doesn’t trust anyone outside his little group.

When a boy lands on their doorstep though, he can’t seem to turn him away, despite every fiber of his being yelling _this is wrong_.

It’s funny because the world has gone to complete shit and no one should really be outside and alone by now, but there he was. The boy was clutching his side, his other arm keeping him steady against the doorframe. He rasps out a quiet “please” before falling into Zhengting’s arms and Zhengting’s not so heartless as to leave him to die on their doorstep.

His name is Zhenghao, he’s only a year older than Justin, and he’s also losing a lot of blood from the wound on his side.

“What got you, kid?” Zhengting asks him as he heats up a knife.

“It was a mutt.”

Zhengting winces, the mutts were terrible, ugly things. They’re height was from anywhere near his knee to his waist, but they were vicious in their attacks. Many people didn’t survive their initial attack.

Zhengting holds a cloth up to the boy, telling him to bite down before pressing the searing knife onto the gash on his side. The boy’s eyes bulge out and his jaw tightens as he screams into the cloth.

Zhengting works fast, wanting to finish as soon as possible, bandaging him up cleanly. Zhenghao has his hair matted onto his forehead by sweat by the end of it, his eyes damp with tears and Zhengting hands him a glass of water.

“Do you have a group?”

Zhenghao nods, gulping down the water like he hasn’t had any in a long time. “They should be somewhere nearby. I just got lost on my way back to base and I was attacked.”

“Can you find your way back?”

Zhenghao looks sheepish at this and Zhengting wants to groan. “I’m not quite sure.”

“Great.” Zhengting mutters under his breath, cleaning up the supplies he used. It was hard enough with seven of them living in one home he wasn’t sure how they’d fare with another one, not to mention the wound on his side.

There was safety in numbers but more responsibility in it too. He couldn’t afford to slip up, not with the creatures outside, on top of the twisted government.

“Do you remember anything at all about where your group can be located?” Zhengting asks again, trying to gather as much information as he can. Maybe if they drop him off somewhere, though Zhengting hardly believed that his conscience would let that happen.

“It’s a little hard to believe but,” Zhenghao pauses, as if gaging his reaction, he just nods in encouragement. “We’re located in the sewers.”

Zhengting freezes almost immediately. _Fuck no._

Zhenghao sees this and seems to misunderstand. “I know it’s weird, but you have to believe me. We have a lot of people there, and it’s really safe underground.”

“In the sewers.” He repeats, his voice sounding hollow to his own ears.

Zhenghao nods, and Zhengting’s entire psyche goes to shit.

“Are you,” he begins, voice cracking so he swallows past the nonexistent lump in his throat, “are you part of that resistance group by any chance? The Incendiaries?”

Zhenghao’s eyes immediately light up. “You’ve heard of us? They’re going to be so pumped to hear this. We never thought we would get word out like this.”

“Right.” And his voice sounds weak, his brain emptying itself at the words. “You’re lucky it was the mutt that got you then, and not the government.”

“Zhengting? Who’s this?”

Wenjun steps into the house, the rest in tow. They had gone on a supply run, forcing Zhengting to stay behind because _we’re old enough Zhengting, we don’t need you and your helicopter parenting_.

“This is Zhenghao,” Zhengting says, clearing his throat and so abruptly straightening up he hits his hip on the table. He barely winces at the sharp pain. “I found him outside, he was attacked by a mutt.”

“Of course you did,” Chencheng says accusatorily, rolling his eyes but handing Zhengting the first aid supplies they had found anyways. “Only you would end up adopting another child while we were out.”

“We haven’t been gone for more than four hours.” Justin supplies, eyes narrowing at the newcomer. “How do we know he’s a good guy.”

“He’s one of them.” Zhengting says, trying to look uncaring as he packs the supplies away. Zeren triumphantly hands him a rabbit, an arrow shot through it, and he pretends like he’s appraising the meat carefully. “He’s from Xukun’s group.”

“You know Xukun?” Zhenghao perks up at that name, eyes wide and excited at the mention of his leader.

The room goes silent, and the boys end up exchanging glances, unsure what exactly to say at that. Xinchun speaks up first, lips pursed and brow furrowed in thought. “You can say that. We’re kind of old acquaintances.”

Zeren snorts. “Acquaintances, yep.”

“Don’t be sarcastic.” Zhengting shoots him a warning glance before turning back to Zhenghao with a contemplative look. “On the bright side, I think we can help you get back to your group, as long as the routes weren’t changed.”

“What’s on the not bright side?” Zhenghao asks.

Zhengting hums, pulling the arrow from where it was lodged into the rabbit’s body. “I don’t know how welcoming they’ll be. We didn’t really split on good terms.”

Suddenly, Zhenghao looks guarded. “Are you guys bad? Do you work for the government?”

“Nothing like that.” Now it’s Zhengting’s turn to snort, he hates the government as much as they did, he just didn’t want to die for that hate. “We just had a falling out of sorts. I guess you weren’t part of the group yet, then.”

“But this is great.” Zhenghao says anyway. “Now, I can get back. I’m sure you guys can resolve your issues. You did save me and all.”

“It’s not that simple kid,” Zhengting sighs, eyes, finally looking up from the rabbit to meet Wenjun’s. Wenjun only raises a brow at him inquisitively. “Xukun’s not going to be that forgiving. At least not when it comes to me.”

“What did you do?” Zhenghao asks, eyes narrowing as he look at Zhengting. He looks as if he’s sizing him up. How could someone like him, all lean muscle and delicate voice possibly hurt Xukun in any way?

“I don’t think Xukun would like it if I told his underlings about his dark past.” Zhengting refuses to think about the past himself. So that’s that.

“How soon do you think we can get me back there?” Zhenghao asks.

“It’s getting dark out. We’ll go tomorrow morning.” Zhengting sighs. It was better if they got this over with as soon as possible. “Can you walk?”

Zhenghao winces a little when he moves to get up and Zhengting second guesses the trip. “I’m good, I can make the trip.”

Zhengting notes his grimace from just standing up and decides that _no he is definitely not good_. “We’ll go next week when you’re a little bit more healed up.”

Before anything that could resemble a protest can escape his lips Zhengting shuts him up with a glare. “I know you’re from a resistance group, but you’re going to listen to me when I say that we aren’t going until next week. I don’t want you dragging us down if something happens.”

With that, he leaves to prepare the rabbit, Wenjun following behind wordlessly.

Justin pats Zhenghao on the back empathetically. “Don’t try to argue against it, he gets stubborn when it comes to putting anyone at risk.”

Zhenghao lets out a defeated groan. “Xukun’s going to kill me.”

“Oh trust me,” Justin laughs loudly, his entire frame shaking. “If you show up there with Zhengting, it won’t be you that Xukun will be looking at.”

\---

A week passes without much of a hitch. Zhenghao blends into their group almost seamlessly, helping with the housework when he can. Soon enough he’s laughing along to Justin’s jokes and sharing secrets with Quanzhe.

By the time it’s time to leave, he almost doesn’t want to.

“Why don’t you guys just join our group?” He asks Quanzhe, eyes alight at the thought. “We’re fighting for a good cause.”

Quanzhe can only give him a wry smile and a consoling pat on the back. “It’s complicated. You’re going to have to ask Xukun or Zhengting if you really want to know.”

The thing was Zhengting avoided any and all conversation involving the Incendiaries, eyes growing distant as he closed himself off at the mention of it.

“You ready?”

Zhengting, Justin, and Xinchun were going while the rest stayed. As much as Zhengting didn’t want to go, it was better if he went in case anything bad happened.

Zhenghao hugs the rest of them goodbye, promising that he would see them again. Zhengting hoped to god that didn’t happen.

“Stay close,” Zhengting warned, mostly directed at Zhenghao. “We don’t know who’s watching and the mutts could come out at any time.”

They make their trek to the sewers as carefully as possible, Zhengting in the lead. The entrance he knew of was close, almost uncomfortably close, but he knew it was unlikely that Xukun still used it. It was on the edge of the city, away from the eyes of any other human and possible government agent that could lurk about.

It shouldn’t have taken then more than an hour to get there, but with Zhenghao slowing them down some it was becoming a longer trip than expected.

It only gets worse from there.

A mutt, hiding in one of the trees, lunges at Zhenghao and Justin being the boy that he is jumps in between the mutt and the other boy.

The ensuing events barely take more than a few seconds.

The mutt lays on the ground, dead. Justin was right beside it.

“Justin, god no.” Zhengting rushes forward, moving faster than he ever has in his entire life. Justin is breathing luckily, but the deep wound on his thigh make it so he’s losing a lot of blood after every second.

He rips a long strip of cloth, tying it on the wound before pulling Justin to his feet in hurried movements. “We have to get to the sewers.”

It’s a rush from there, Zhengting, practically carrying Justin the whole way. Luckily, they’re close and Zhengting pulls the metal entrance open.

Zhenghao blinks. “I’ve never seen this entrance before.”

“I don’t think it’s in use anymore.”

He drags Justin through the tunnels. Weaving through familiar pathways before they run into someone.

“Yue Yue!”

“Zhengting, what the fuck?” The older man takes in their appearance before understanding flickers in his eyes and he helps Zhengting, taking Justin’s other side. “Follow me.”

He leads them deeper into the tunnels before finally stopping at what could only be their makeshift medical bay, with multiple single beds lining one side. There wasn’t anyone there, Zhengting notes, before they’re dragging Justin into one of the beds.

Yue Yue works fast, faster than Zhengting, fingers nimble and light as he injects Justin with something then proceeds to work on his leg. “What brings you here?”

“We found him,” Zhengting points behind him with his thumb to where he knew Zhenghao would be, “injured outside our house. We were just bringing him back here when a mutt attacked and this idiot almost got killed.”

Yue Yue hums, eyes flickering up as he gives Zhengting a smile. “You remembered where we were.”

Zhengting laughs derisively. “How could I forget?”

“I missed you.”

Those words catch him off guard.

And it wasn’t like he didn’t miss them also because _he did_ , so much, but he was determined to forget about them and their cause. It was easier that way.

“I missed you too.”

“Go let Xukun know you’re here.” Yue Yue tells Zhenghao with a pointed look that said _you’re in trouble_. “He’s been worried sick and searching for you everywhere.”

Zhenghao salutes before he slips out the door, running of to where their oh-so-righteous leader probably was.

“He’s going to want to see you.”

“I was hoping we could avoid that.” Zhengting rubs the back of his neck. Justin was pale, eyes shut in pain as Yue Yue bandaged his leg. Zhengting couldn’t help the worry that clawed at his chest. “I guess we’re not going to be leaving just quite yet though.”

He glances back, at Xinchun. “I should go back and tell the others.”

Xinchun meets his eyes and he sighs at what he sees there. “I’ll do it. You stay here.”

He wants to protest but Xinchun cuts him off. “Stop being a coward and running away.”

He hears a wheeze from behind him and he snaps his neck back to glare at Justin.

“He’s right.” Justin says. “You’ll have to face him eventually.”

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

The door to the medical bay is suddenly swung open and Zhengting is on his feet immediately. He’s standing there in his black clothes, all straps with knives and guns and thick leather. His eyes scan the room once, glancing over Xinchun, Justin and Yue Yue before they zero in on him.

His eyes roam his figure, taking in the new scars, the harder edges before they go back to Yue Yue.

“What’s going on here?” There’s a coldness in his voice, and it feels like Zhengting’s been slapped in the face.

“Justin was attacked by a mutt trying to protect Zhenghao.” Yue Yue meets his cold tone with one of his own, but he smiles at Xukun as he raised his brows in feigned politeness, as if he was an unexpected but welcomed guest.

“Why were they with Zhenghao?”

The fact that Xukun doesn’t direct the questions at Zhengting makes him dig his nails into the palms of his hands in frustration. It was always heat and fire that he associates with Xukun, be it the flames of passion or the searing hot anger that boiled just under his skin.

“They saved him and brought him all the way back here.”

Finally Xukun snaps his eyes back at him, and Zhengting tries his hardest to meet his heated gaze with one of his own. “How did you find this place?”

“It’s only been three years,” Zhengting rolls his eyes. “I used the entrance that leads to the outskirts of town.”

Xukun snorts at that. “What reason do I have to believe that you would remember anything about us?”

Maybe it’s the overwhelming emotions that’s been plaguing Zhengting the whole day, or maybe it’s because Xukun can always push the right buttons to vex him just enough, but Zhengting snaps back. “We can’t all want to die, Xukun.”

Xukun strides forward, all narrowed eyes and clenched fists. “At least I don’t just turn a blind eye because I’m afraid of dying instead of helping people, Zhengting.”

He hasn’t heard his name come from that mouth in so long, and he wants to punch him in the face. Him and his smug tone and pretty mouth.

“Oh fuck you.” He spits out instead, taking his own step forward until they’re both in each other’s spaces. “You know I didn’t leave for myself. I couldn’t just let them die because of your cause, Xukun. Not everyone is a self-sacrificing moron.”

Xukun opens his mouth, looking like he wants to say something, before closing it again. Finally he decides on. “You can stay here until Justin is better.”

Zhengting nods, refusing to back down from Xukun’s gaze. “We’ll leave as soon as possible.”

Xukun doesn’t bother with a reply, leaving the room without another word.

Yue Yue whistles lowly. “That went well.”

“Considering their fights before,” Xinchun supplies, “that was actually pretty tame.”

Zhengting sags into the seat.

It had been so long since the last time they had spoken to each other, he would be lying if he said it didn’t affect him in some way.

He couldn’t let it though. They were only staying until Justin got better, and then they were going to leave and go back to pretending that they never knew each other.

He just had to make it through a few more days.

Then, he was never going to see Xukun ever again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’d rather risk my life than sit here and twiddle my thumbs.” Xukun snaps back. “Not everyone is a coward like you, Zhengting.”
> 
> “Here you go again,” Zhengting scoffs, rolling his eyes. “It’s never going to be enough for you, is it? When will you stop? When you die?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, an update. it's not like i died from my exam today
> 
> anyways, I hope you guys like it :)

“So I heard you were here and I wouldn’t believe it until I saw it for myself.” A voice says as its owner enters the room, arms crossed in front of his torso. The first thing Zhengting sees is the wide, cocksure smile as the man closes the door with a soft backwards kick. “But here you are.”

Zhengting can’t help but return the smile, being as infectious as it was. “But here I am.”

“So?” The man says, raising his arms up. “Are you not going to give me a hug? You haven’t come down to these tunnels in years.”

“Zhou Yanchen, you’re still as arrogant as ever.” Zhengting says, no real bite behind his words. He gets up anyways, and walks up to his old friend. “You always have to make everyone come to you, huh?”

“But that’s why they keep me around, I’m the pretty face of the resistance.” Yanchen says, grinning as he engulfs Zhengting in a warm hug.

“Down with the government.”

“Hurrah to that.” Yanchen’s laughs, patting his back before pulling away. “How’s Justin?”

Zhengting sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. Justin was a headache when he was awake but he thinks that Justin being unconscious and almost dying is probably worse. “He’s asleep now. Yue Yue says he’ll be good to go in one or two weeks as long as an infection is avoided.”

“That means you’ll be stuck here awhile.” Yanchen nods, feigned empathy on his face as he speaks. “Where’s Xinchun? And the rest?”

“Xinchun left to go tell the others what happened. The rest are at home.”

“Home.” Yanchen repeats, and it sounds mocking somehow, like the thought of Zhengting building a home that isn’t here is laughable.

Zhengting steps back towards Justin, carding his hands through his hair. “I’m worried about being away for too long.”

“Have you spoken to Xukun?” Yanchen asks tentatively because as far as everyone who stayed in the tunnels know, Zhengting was a blacklisted word in Xukun’s vocabulary.

“Unfortunately,” Zhengting says, and if his fingers freeze in the slightest at the sound of his name. Yanchen doesn’t notice, or at least he pretends not to. “He hasn’t changed at all.”

“If anything he’s more determined,” Yanchen says, and he gets that look on his face. He knows all too well what he’s doing, gets a thrill out of the way Zhengting’s breath hitches a little, his brows furrowing in poorly concealed worry. “Did you know we steal directly from the government now?”

Zhengting’s gaze snaps up to Yanchen almost immediately, and suddenly he’s bristling with anger. “ _What?_ ”

“The president,” Yanchen says, distaste clear from how he says it to how his nose wrinkles. “We stole from them just two weeks ago, while they were loading supplies into the capital.”

“Are you dumb?” Zhengting deadpans, disbelieving. “ _Do you all want to die?_ ”

“Maybe.” Yanchen shrugs, noncommittal. “It was Xukun’s idea. We haven’t been caught yet.”

Zhengting opens his mouth to argue, to tell Yanchen off, or maybe Xukun, but then he realizes it’s not his place to say anything. He was so out of place, and he hasn’t belonged here in a long time. A puzzle piece that once fit so perfectly, but cut up and worn down so much it didn’t seem part of the picture anymore.

So instead he just lets the subject drop, looking away from Yanchen’s probing gaze. “Do what you want.”

“When did you become so lackluster?”

“I’m not-” Zhengting knows what Yanchen is doing, this weird game of _piss Zhengting off so he shares his feelings_ , and he refuses to play. “I’m not in any position to say what this group should and shouldn’t do.”

Yanchen shrugs, holding up a piece of paper with _The Incendiaries_ written in neat script, the spiel somewhere along the lines of _we welcome you to the resistance_. Zhengting tacks on the _and death_ mentally. “When did you decide that you weren’t part of the group anymore? The Incendiaries welcome everyone.”

And maybe it’s the exhaustion, but the words make Zhengting’s stomach coil into tight knots, and he isn’t sure if they’re good or not. ‘I don’t really think that invitation extends to me.”

“The invitation extends to everyone.” Yanchen dismisses with a wave of his hand, shoving the flyer back into his pocket. “But only to those who want it.”

Zhengting’s voice sounds hollow as he softly repeats. “Only to those who want it.”

\---

Running into Xukun wasn’t on his list of things to do while he was in the sewers, but it seemed like the universe was not on his side on that one. He was walking to the kitchen to get a glass of water only to see _him_ already there.

Xukun is talking to Xingjie, their voices fast and hand gesticulating wildly as they discuss important matters. Zhengting catches the end of “-you’re taking Zhenghao, Yanjun, and Chaoze. I’ll take Ziyi, and Yanchen.”

At the sound of Zhenghao’s name he stops.

“And where exactly are you taking Zhenghao.” And it’s low, and threatening, not so much a question and more of a warning for them to be careful about their answer.

“We’re going on a supply run,” XIngjie replies, and Xukun throws him a betrayed glance before turning back to Zhengting.

Zhengting’s whole body freezes at the words and he clenches his fists. “You can’t.”

“And why not?” Xukun bites back, gaze sharp as he addresses Zhengting, like he was a nuisance. Zhengting hates it, and he hates that he feels like he can’t say anything because he doesn’t belong here, but he also can’t let them endanger Zhenghao. “You aren’t a part of this group.”

Zhengting grits his teeth as he answers, so that he doesn’t raise his voice. “Zhenghao is still injured, you asshole. The reason Justin is hurt in the first place is because he couldn’t protect himself.”

Xukun recoils at that, but he instead looks at Xingjie. “Switch Zhenghao out with Zhangjing.”

“Can you stop caring about your cause for one minute to actually see if your people are okay?” Zhengting doesn’t mean for the words to slip out, yet they hang in the air, and it’s too late to take them down.

“This cause _is_ for the people.” Xukun says, and there it is, the heat of his passion. Zhengting used to be okay at the thought of burning in it, but now refuses to let anyone in his group get anywhere near it’s licking flames. “There are people who seek refuge here, they need supplies.”

The reminder of the supplies gets Zhengting’s blood boiling again. “So you steal from the government? You’re going get yourself killed. You’re going to get _them_ killed.”

“I’d rather risk my life than sit here and twiddle my thumbs.” Xukun snaps back. “Not everyone is a coward like you, Zhengting.”

“Here you go again,” Zhengting scoffs, rolling his eyes. “It’s never going to be enough for you, is it? When will you stop? When you die?”

Xukun crosses his arms in front of his chest, defiance written all over his face. “If that’s what it takes.”

Zhengting wants to say the words don’t hurt, that he doesn’t want to reach over and grab Xukun by the shoulders and make him understand that _this is why I left_. “Just leave my kids out of it.”

“So Zhenghao is your kid now?”

“He doesn’t have to be for me to value his life, Xukun.” Zhengting fumes, self-sacrifice was one thing, but the lives of others were another. “Christ, you can’t just expect people to lay their lives for your cause.”

“I’m not expecting anything.” Xukun’s eyes narrow, and suddenly the argument shifts to something more personal. “I ask for their support in the cause, if they choose to lay down their lives that’s on them. What matters is that they’re _there_.”

Zhengting feels like he’s just been hit, and he refuses to let his voice crack, to let the tears enter his eyes. He can’t let Xukun see that his words _hurt_. “Well it’s great to know that you can live with the guilt of knowing you’re marching people to their deaths. Just don’t drag Zhenghao with you, he’s not yet healthy.”

“I don’t want people to die for me or my cause,” Xukun says, stepping past the table to stand in front of him. “If you don’t stand for anything, you’ll die for nothing.”

“Then let it be, as long as they don’t die at the hands of the government.” Zhengting suddenly feels crowded, Xukun is close, way too close. He steps back, uncaring if it looks like he’s running away, because being in such proximity to Xukun is painful. “You can’t expect me to just watch as they die for a cause they’ll never see the end of.”

“You’ve always been the pessimist.” And it’s way too familiar for Zhengting’s liking, so he takes another step back, then another.

“Someone has to be grounded between the two of us.”

And then he leaves without another word.

\---

“I knew you guys didn’t end on bad terms but that was quite a scene.”

Xingjie plants himself in the seat across Zhengting, giving him a smile that looked about as friendly as a shark.

Yanchen whines from beside Zhengting. “I can’t believe I missed it.”

“Well, we’ve never exactly seen eye to eye, even when we were together.” Zhengting says, burrowing his head into his arms so that his voice is muffled by his sleeves. Arguing with Xukun is exhausting, it was always the surefire way to drain him of all his energy.

A low whistle suddenly sounds from behind him. “So this is the boss’s ex?”

Zhengting snaps his head up just in time to see the man, arrogant smirk plastering his face and dimples in full display, straddle a chair before reaching his hand out to him. “I’m Yanjun, we haven’t met yet but if you rile Xukun up as much as the rumors say then I think we’ll get along just fine.”

“I don’t mean to rile him up,” Zhengting defends, grasping for words. “He’s just so-he’s just so impossible.”

Yanchen pats him on the back sympathetically. “You should come to one of our supply runs. You’ll see why it’s only right that we steal from the government. They have supplies that they keep from the people.”

Xingjie, curse him, actually looks like he’s considering the idea. “You’re pretty good on the field. It’s not a bad idea to take you along.”

Yanjun wiggles his eyebrows. “Attractive _and_ a fighter. How did Xukun ever let you go?”

Zhengting doesn’t bother with a reply, making a sound at the back of his throat that resembled a dying cat before burying himself in his arms once again.

“Don’t let Xukun hear you say that.” Yanchen laughs, having way too much fun for someone who was supposed to be Zhengting’s friend. “He’s got quite a jealous streak.”

“Well, Xukun left him so I don’t really think he would mind.”

“Well, technically Zhengting left so,” Xingjie says, not a hint of concern for the sound Zhengting makes at his words. “Xukun is all about freedom and liberty, we would never keep anyone trapped here, even if he wanted to.”

“Can I die? Can I please die?” Zhengting says, feeling attacked somehow.

“Seriously though,” Yanchen says, voice suddenly losing the laughter it once held. “You should go with us on our next run, see what it’s like.”

“I’ll consider it.” Zhengting knows he probably won’t. He wasn’t here for the group, he was here for Justin, and he wanted to get out as much as possible.

“Zhengting!”

“Oh no.” Zhengting says, trying to somehow become one with the table. “Please hide me.”

Yanchen ends up laughing again, body spasming at the sheer force of his joy at someone else’s misery.

“Zhengting, you never told me you were coming back!” The giant man had pulled Zhengting up and was now engulfing him in a hug. Zhengting wanted to die.

“I’m so sorry, I could never control him.” Yue Yue says apologetically. Zhengting knows it was probably fake because he’s friends with snakes.

“I’m not back for good. It’s only until Justin gets better.” Zhengting says from where he is suffocating in the other man’s shirt.

Bu Fan frowns as he lets him go. “But why not? Xukun wouldn’t be opposed to you staying I’m sure.”

“You’re delusional.”

“We should drink then,” Bu Fan exclaims, not even listening to anything he has to say. “While you’re here.”

“I don’t drink.”

“Then I will drink and you will keep me company.”

“Sure.” Zhengting shrugs, falling back into his seat. Bu Fan was someone he got along with on occasion, but he was also _loud_ and way too touchy for someone so big.

“You missed out on a lot while you were gone.” Bu Fan says, taking a seat himself.

Zhengting smiles and it’s a little sad around the edges. “Then catch me up then.”

\---

He runs into Xukun again and he swears he’s not doing it on purpose because seeing Xukun is painful and Zhengting isn’t into emotional torture of this magnitude.

“Wait.” Xukun says, and he shoots an arm out to wrap around Zhengting’s bicep for good measure. He knows Zhengting too well, knows when Zhengting is going to run away. “I have to ask you a question.”

Zhengting pauses, regards him with a sweeping glance, and then nods.

“Why did you never come back?”

“Xukun,” Zhengting begins, voice breaking just a little bit, because Xukun is looking at him so intently and it’s like the first time they met.

“ _I have a group,” Zhengting says to the boy he spots beating a mutt dead with a metal rod. “You should join us.”_

_The boy grins, all fire and spirit, before grabbing his hand in a tight handshake. “I’m Cai Xukun.”_

“I was never supposed to come back.” Zhengting says and he pretends not to see the flicker of hurt that flashes in Xukun’s eyes, or feel how his hand tightens around his arm “This was a mistake. We weren’t supposed to see each other again.”

“I-” A complicated look sets on Xukun’s face.

A breath.

Then he lets go.

“I need to go.”

Zhengting pretends like every step Xukun takes as he walks away doesn’t feel like a stab to his heart


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit happens

Justin wakes up to Zhengting sitting down next to his bed, his head on the mattress. He knows Zhengting is probably going to wake up sore and he winces sympathetically as he nudges him with a hand on his shoulder.

Zhengting jumps a little, immediately fussing over him as soon as he wakes. “Are you feeling okay? Do you feel any pain at all?”

Justin looks healthier, under the bright lighting of the medical bay, the color returning on his face.

Justin takes it all with a roll of his eyes and a smile that’s just a touch wry. “Did you behave while I was gone?”

Suddenly the bedsheets are the most interesting thing in the world.

“Define behave.”

“Did you fight with Xukun?” Justin’s voice is accusatory, and Zhengting is sure he doesn’t even need to answer. Justin already knows, he witnessed way too many of their fights.

“I may have run into him a few times.” Zhengting at least has the decency to look a tad guilty.

“I bet it wasn’t civil.”

“Define civil.”

“Zhengting,” Justin sighs, and he looks like he wasn’t almost dying from blood loss less than two days ago. “I know why we left this place, and I agreed to it because I understood how you felt.”

He squeezes Zhengting’s hand. “But you have to talk this out with Xukun. You were there, before this cause of his was even an idea, but you let it tear through your relationship and it’s brought you nothing but negativity since. Talk to him.”

_“I heard Beijing has people.” Xukun says to him one day, while they lay in bed, one hand running through Zhengting’s hair. “Survivors.”_

_Zhengting doesn’t have to mull over it for long. He knows he’ll end up following Xukun wherever he goes, no questions asked. “Let’s go then.”_

_Xukun smiles, sitting up to kiss him. “Great.”_

_So they go to Beijing, and find it under the rule of a dictator._

“I’ll try.” Zhengting says, voice weak and thin.

“You better,” Justin says before he shoos Zhengting away with his hands. “Go now, young grasshopper, I need food.”

Zhengting can’t help but smile. “Got it.”

\---

People milled about in the main area of the sewers, sitting around and talking. Zhengting still can’t believe the progress that they had made in the span of a few years. What once was a small group of seven gangly barely adults, was now a large group of people.

They had started taking in refugees, Bu Fan had explained, so there were many people ranging from kids from the slums to some people who just happened to hear about the place.

“It’s not that bad, you know?”

Xingjie leans against the wall next to him, eyes on the other people.

He spares Zhengting a glance before looking away again. “We’re helping people. Saving lives.”

“I know that. Believe me, I really do.” Zhengting insists. He was one of the people who had encouraged it, who watched Xukun take the lead. He once beamed in pride at the sight of Xukun so passionately talking about his ideals, dreaming along with him.

“Then why don’t you come back?”

Zhengting frowns at him. Xingjie had been one of the first people to join the Incendiaries. Xukun had saved him from a mutt and he’d followed him since, becoming his right hand man and main consultant. He was also a friend that Zhengting would trust with his life.

“I don’t want to risk them, XIngjie. I can’t.” Zhengting wants him to understand because it’s never been easy, not with him and Xukun. “I know if we stay, they’ll risk themselves and I can’t let that happen. I can’t watch-”

This time, when his voice cracks, he goes silent.

Xingjie lets out a gust of air. Then he turns to Zhengting with pitying eyes, “I don’t think that’s your choice to make, ‘ting. You can’t protect them all the time.”

Zhengting doesn’t reply and they stand in silence for a while.

He knows Xingjie is right.

\---

The group sets off to leave the very next day. They’re all in their black outside clothes, straps with knifes and weapons wherever they could put them. Xukun is giving a few final reminders as he straps up, his cowl pulled down to his shoulders.

Zhengting watches it happen with an apprehensive look on his face. He didn’t like that they were doing this, that they were risking their lives like this. Despite this, he saw how many people stayed in the sewers, he saw the sick, children, and elderly that needed the supplies.

As much as he hated to admit it, the only place that had enough supplies to help these people was the government.

The government held many of the supplies, siphoning how much they gave out to the masses, making them reliant. It was disgusting and dirty, but they couldn’t do much about it, at least Zhengting thought they couldn’t. Xukun thought otherwise.

Yanchen walks up to him, all smiles, and Zhengting doesn’t get how he could smile at the idea of running headfirst into danger. “You sure you don’t want to go with us?”

Zhengting shakes his head. “I’ll have to pass this time.”

“You talk like there’s going to be a next time.”

Zhengting smiles apologetically, shrugging his shoulders. “Who knows?”

Yanchen just scoffs, but there aren’t any hard feelings behind it.

_“You should know stealing is bad.”_

_The man who had previously been rummaging through their things is immediately on guard, knife raised._

_Zhengting smiles. “You can take what you need and leave, or…”_

_“Or what?”_

_“We have a group. We’re headed to Beijing.” Zhengting dares to take a step forward, uncaring for the knife that is raised just a bit higher. “You could join us, it’s dangerous alone.”_

_So Yanchen does just that._

“I’ll hold you on to that.”

“Sure,” Zhengting says, smiling as Yanchen turns to walk away. He squeezes his shoulder once before letting him go. “Take care.”

“Don’t I always.” A wink, and then he’s gone to talk to Xingjie about something.

He doesn’t, Zhengting knows, always take care of himself. Yanchen is nothing if not careless. He was always one to fight before thinking and it worried Zhengting endlessly.

Slowly they start to file out of the place, with their clothes black as night. Xukun looks back once, at him, then pulls his black cowl over his head and leaves.

Zhengting thinks that it shouldn’t hurt as much as it did.

\---

“Zhengting!”

Zhenghao runs up to him, practically tackling him in a hug.

“Careful of your wounds.” Zhengting says, gingerly returning the embrace.

Zhenghao smiles up at him and Zhengting can’t believe this is the same boy Xukun would have them go on life-threatening supply runs with. “I’m practically all healed.”

“Sure.” Zhengting says, raising a disbelieving brow when Zhenghao winces as he stretches his arms out.

Zhenghao furrows his eyebrows, frowning suddenly. “I heard about you and Xukun.”

“Did you now?” Zhengting asks and he knows he probably shouldn’t be surprised but he kind of liked that there was someone in this damned place that didn’t know him as Xukun’s ex. “What did you hear?”

“I heard that you used to be a couple.” Figures that he’d find out about that.

“That you were one of the founders of the Incendiaries.” This, is a surprise.

He shakes his head, slightly smiling because Zhenghao is looking at him with innocent eyes that don’t really know the tragedy of the full story. “Xukun was the one who founded the Incendiaries. I was only a follower.”

_“We can’t let them do this.” Xukun grits his teeth angrily. He’s been angry since they arrived in Beijing._

_Zhengting just shakes his head, already resigned to their fate. The world ended a long time ago, and to expect people not to take advantage was just naïve. “What can we even do?”_

_“We can’t just conform to them, Zhengting.” Xukun looks at him but Zhengting knows his eyes are not really_ on _him, they were on something much, much further into the future. “We should form a resistance group.”_

_“It’s going to be dangerous.”_

_“The whole world is dangerous, Zhengting.” And Xukun’s leaning forward and grasping his hands, looking so very intent. “Will you follow me?”_

_And Zhengting doesn’t hesitate._

_“Always.”_

“But you were there since the beginning.” Zhenghao says.

“I was never the leading type, that’s Xukun. He had the passion and the drive, I was just the pretty trophy boyfriend.” Zhenghao looks like he wants to say something but Zhengting slings an arm over his shoulder, guiding him as they walk. “Let’s go see Justin. I bet he wants to talk to you.”

Zhenghao lets Zhengting change the subject as they walk to the medical bay.

\---

Things go to shit just hours after they leave.

Zhengting is sitting in the medical bay, watching Justin and Zhenghao laugh about this and that when Yue Yue bursts into the room.

“Your group is here.”

They walk into the room right behind him and Zhengting’s heart plummets directly to his feet.

Justin’s smile dims almost immediately.

“What are you doing here?” Zhengting walks up to them, glancing at Yue Yue from the corner of his eye. Zhenghao also gets up, looking excited at the sight of his friends, not noticing the state they were in.

They look worse for wear, carrying their emergency bags and their clothes tattered. Wenjun is clutching his bleeding arm and Zeren has a cut on his cheek.

“They found us.” Zeren says, and suddenly Zhengting’s worst nightmares have come to life. “They raided our house. We barely got out”

“I’m sorry.” Xinchun says apologetically and he looks upset at himself. “I didn’t know what else to do, so I brought them here.”

Zhengting holds his hand, trying to smile. “It’s okay, you had no choice.”

But then he sees the look on Yue Yue’s face and he suddenly wants to do everything in his power to get them as far away from here as possible.

“Yue Yue, I can explain.” Zhengting holds his hand out in defense

“You’re lucky Xukun went on that supply run and that I’m a lot more understanding.” Yue Yue crosses his arms in front of his chest. “But you’re going to need a really good fucking explanation for me to understand this Zhengting.”

“He left that life behind, Yue Yue.” Zhengting says, and the group forms a sort of circle around Chengcheng, casing him in. If it weren’t for the danger of the situation, Zhengting would be proud. “You have to trust me. He’s a good kid.”

Yue Yue looks angry and Zhengting wants to hide Chengcheng away because Yue Yue was dangerous when he was angry and he was not even the most dangerous person in the group.

“Xukun is going to find out about this.” And Zhengting knew it was coming. He wouldn’t be able to hide it, not with Chengcheng there, and now Yue Yue knew. He just hoped Xukun didn’t do anything to harm him.

Zhengting nods slowly, still on the defensive. “Just don’t hurt him.”

Yue Yue mutters something under his breath before he shoulders past Zhengting, and out the door.

Zhenghao looks confused as he speaks. “What’s going on?”

Zhengting sags, now that Yue Yue was out of the room, things didn’t seem so suffocating. He knew, however, that things were only going to get worse from there.

He turns to Chengcheng. “Are you going to be okay with this?”

“We couldn’t hide it forever.” Chengcheng says. He looks worried though, as he worries his lip with his teeth. “It was either the government or the Incendiaries. One way or another we were going to get caught.”

And Zhengting hates it, because that was never supposed to happen. No one was ever supposed to find them, Zhengting was supposed to protect him.

“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” Zhenghao asks, looking more and more frustrated the longer his questions weren’t answered.

“You’re going to want to sit down for this.” Justin pats him on the back. “It’s a pretty long story.”

\---

Bu Fan and Yue Yue corner him later just as he was looking for them. They bring him to one of the storage rooms, before starting with their interrogation.

“Why is he with you? Why did you bring him here?” Bu Fan demands, all angry eyebrows and confusion.

The rest were with Justin. They had set up a camp of sorts in the medical bay, keeping track of who went in and out. Zhenghao stayed with them, sure with defending his newfound friends, even against the Incendiaries. Zhengting thought that he had too good a heart to be part of such a dangerous group.

“He left that life, please trust me on this. He left that life three years ago.”

Bu Fan narrows his eyes, not looking like he believed anything Zhengting said. Zhengting wonders when they got so distrustful of him. “He’s _one of them_ , Zhengting.”

Zhengting snorts. “When did it become them and us? He left that life for a reason and he hasn’t done anything that would lead me to believe that he’s not to be trusted.”

“It’s always been them and us, Zhengting. Don’t you see that?” Yue Yue is looking at him like he was being unreasonable and he hates knowing that they’ve already made judgements on Chengcheng. That they’ve already decided he was guilty of a crime he never committed.

“He’s _my_ kid, and I know him. He hasn’t been one of them for a long time.”

Bu Fan grabs him by the shoulders and leans down, looking at him straight in the eyes. “He’s part of the government, Zhengting. He’s one of the people responsible for all the suffering that’s happening outside.”

“No he’s not. Chengcheng hasn’t hurt anyone.” Zhengting glares. “You can’t make these judgements against him you don’t know him. I do, and I know he’s a good kid.”

“Why should we trust you? You haven’t been down here in four years.”

And there it was. Zhengting would be lying if he said that it didn’t hurt him. He had known them for years and had trusted them. But he also understood, he didn’t trust them with these things as well. He had hidden Chengcheng and had hoped he would never have to meet the Incendiaries.

“Then don’t.” Zhengting bites, pushing Bu Fan’s hands off his shoulders. “We’ll just leave.”

“And where will you go?” Yue Yue scoffs. “Justin is still injured and your home has been taken by the government. You have nowhere to go.”

Zhengting continues to glare defiantly. “We’ll survive.”

“We can’t let you go.” Bu Fan says and Zhengting feels his blood run cold. “Not with him.”

“So you’ll keep us against our will?”

“We can’t compromise our base. He knows one of the entrances now.”

“You can’t do that.”

Bu Fan shakes his head. “We can and we will.”

“You can’t hurt him. I won’t let you.”

Yue Yue sighs, stepping back finally. “As long as he doesn’t give us a reason to, we won’t.”

“He won’t.” This time, it’s Zhengting who pushes past them. “We’ll cooperate. Just don’t lay a hand on him, or I’ll kill you myself.”

\---

Chengcheng leans against the wall as he sits on the ground, eyes downcast. Zhengting slides down to sit next to him. The others have fallen asleep, save for the two of them. Zhengting didn’t trust the Incendiaries not to do anything while they were asleep, especially after they made it clear what they thought of Chengcheng.

“I’m sorry,” he says into the silence of the room, the only sounds being the soft snoring coming from the beds. “I promised you that I wouldn’t let them find you.”

Chengcheng shakes his head. “It’s not your fault.”

“I shouldn’t have left.” Zhengting says, and he wishes they could’ve avoided all of this. “Maybe if I stayed-”

“Shut up.” Zhengting snaps his head to face Chengcheng, and the younger is glaring at him. “You did your best. Stop blaming yourself all the time. I was the one who came into your lives and now you’re all in danger because of me.”

“We chose to take you in.” Zhengting says softly. He holds his hand out and Chengcheng takes it, linking their fingers together. “If it’s not my fault, then it’s not yours either. You didn’t choose to be one of them.”

Chengcheng opens his mouth to say something but suddenly the door is slammed open.

Xukun strides in, a dark presence, Yanchen and Xingjia right behind him, and Zhengting and Chengcheng are on their feet immediately. The rest wake up at the noise, and they also get up, ready to move should the situation call for it. Justin, who tries to stand, is pushed back down by Wenjun with a shake of his head.

Xukun’s eyes survey the room once before they narrow at Chengcheng, zeroing in on his face. Zhengting does his best to hide the younger behind him, holding his hand out as if faced with a wild animal. Knowing how Xukun gets when he’s angry, he might as well be. “Xukun, I can explain.”

Xukun’s eyes are dangerously dark as he pulls his cowl down to his shoulders. Zhengting realizes how dangerous he is at that moment, how precarious their situation is. He keeps Chengcheng behind him, his hand still gripped tightly.

“You know who he is.” Xukun says lowly, a statement. “You brought him here, you showed him an entrance.”

“He’s not one of them anymore. They were looking for him and they raided the house, we had no choice.”

“He can’t just _leave_ that life, Zhengting. That boy,” Xukun says, and it’s angry and frustrated. “is the lost son of Fan Tao.”

The president had risen to power by taking advantage of his wealth and influence. Ruling the people under a dictatorship and causing countless of people to suffer. Zhengting didn’t know much about him except that he was rich and powerful and that he used that to make people bow down to him. Three years ago, his son ran away and the government had been looking for him since. He was currently standing behind Zhengting, gripping his hand.

Zhengting tries to explain it once more. He doesn’t understand why they refuse to listen to him, why they’re so ready to strike Chengcheng down. “He never chose to be born into that family. He left because he hated it.” Zhengting says. “He asked us for refuge and we gave it to him. He has been living peacefully with us for three years now. _He left that life behind._ ”

Xukun looks so very angry and all Zhengting wants to do is get out of there. “Is this why you didn’t come back? Because you were fraternizing with one of them?”

Zhengting lets out a scoff, unable to believe his ears. “You know why I didn’t come back, Xukun. Chengcheng is a good kid and he has done nothing to harm anyone. I don’t get why you are all so ready to convict him of crimes that aren’t his own.”

Xingjie looks skeptically between Chengcheng and Zhengting. “You can’t possibly not see why we don’t trust him, Zhengting. He’s the son of the dictator.”

“Son, exactly. He didn’t want to be born into that family.”

“Yet, he still benefitted over it at the cost of other people.”

“Get over yourself, Xukun!” Zhengting snaps, noting how tight Chengcheng’s grip has become. “He didn’t choose to be the son of the president as much as the people didn’t choose to live under a dictatorship!”

“But you chose him!”

Zhengting blinks, and Xukun looks surprised at his own words.

“ _What?_ ” Zhengting asks incredulously, eyes wide.

“I asked you not to leave. I practically _begged_ you to come back.” Xukun’s eyes drop to their linked hands before going back up to Zhengting’s face. “But you didn’t come back. You refused to even talk to me, and now I know why.”

“I can’t believe this. You’re jealous of Chengcheng?” Zhengting says, and it’s almost laughable how completely ridiculous this all is. “ _Chengcheng’s my kid_.”

“I have every reason to be.” And it’s stubborn, the way Xukun stands his ground with his hands over his chest.

“No,” Zhengting shakes his head. “No you don’t. We’re not together anymore, Xukun.”

He tries not to notice Xukun’s sharp intake of breath or the flash of hurt on his face.

“This is absurd.” Zhengting says under his breath before speaking out loud. “Keep us here or kick us out if you want, but you aren’t laying a hand on Chengcheng.”

Xukun nods at him stiffly and he can see that he wants to say something but suddenly the room seems too crowded. Zhengting realizes belatedly that they have spectators who look wide eyed and are standing around rather awkwardly.

“We’re not done.” Xukun finally says, before he storms out of the room just as fast and intent as he came in.

Yanchen and Xingjie follow behind him and Zhengting feels the knot in his stomach uncoil once they leave.

“We have to find a way to get out of here.” Zhengting says, avoiding looking at anyone’s eyes.

Zhenghao makes a sound of protest and Zhengting can’t believe he forgot he was in the room. “Xukun is a good guy, he won’t hurt you guys.”

“I know he’s a good guy, but I don’t know how far he is willing to go for the cause.” Zhengting says, unable to shake off the uneasy feeling. “I can’t risk it.”

“I should just go back.” Chengcheng shakes his head and Zhengting realizes how tight his grip has gotten, so much that their fingers are white. “To dad. You guys are in this situation because of me.”

“No.” Zhengting says, stance on that particular mode of action clear. “We’ll protect you. You shouldn’t have to go back there because of us.”

“You’re family.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow ok i did this instead of studying for my exam lmao. i hope it's to your guys' liking.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more shit happens

“So you adopted the lost son of the president, huh?”

Yanchen walks into the kitchen, propping himself on top of the table. Zhengting decidedly works harder at descaling the fish that was in his hands. Zeren had snuck out to catch them.

“Are you here to threaten me too?” He mutters lowly, not once glancing at his friend.

Yanchen makes a face at that. “I trust your judge of character. I mean, you did let me into your group after I tried to steal from you.”

“I regret that decision every day of my life.”

Yanchen thumps him on the back good-naturedly. “Don’t be snarky.” He holds his hands up when Zhengting threatens him with the knife. “Seriously though, how did you even end up taking him into your group. I know you love taking in strays but wow.”

_Zhengting would like to think that he recognized the boy even a little bit but to be honest he has no idea who he even was when he picked his almost dying body off of the side of the road._

_That was, at least, until Zeren pulled him aside by the arm with panic in his eyes. “You do know who he is right?”_

_“Um.” Zhengting tries to wrack his head for any possibilities but comes up with a blank. “No?”_

_“That’s the president’s son.” Zeren looks like he’s about to either hyperventilate or kill Zhengting, probably both. “You just saved the life of the president’s son.”_

_Zhengting looks puzzled. “How do you know what he looks like?”_

_“His face is plastered all over the town!” Zeren looks like he wants to hit him. Zhengting wants to hit himself. Trips to the town for him weren’t for sightseeing, just getting what they needed and leaving, so he never noticed the missing fliers. “How do you not notice?”_

_Zhengting looks at the unconscious boy on his bed, then back at Zeren. “He doesn’t look like he could possibly hurt us.”_

_“I don’t think you are understanding the weight of the situation.” Zeren gives an exasperated sigh, more from frustration than anything else. “They’re looking for him. What do you think will happen if they find him with us?”_

_Zhengting bites his lip, eyebrows furrowed as he looks at the boy’s face. He’s so young, he probably wouldn’t survive a day on his own with all the mutts around. “He’s going to die out there if we don’t take him in. At least until he is healed. Please?”_

_Zeren tugs on his hair in frustration and Zhengting winces for his scalp. But then he sighs in defeat and Zhengting knows he’d won the argument. “Fine, but only until he can take care of himself.”_

_Chengcheng wakes up the very next day and he ends up never leaving._

“Like you said,” Zhengting says, filleting the fish. “I can’t turn down strays. Good thing too. I ended up helping Zhenghao.”

“Ooh you don’t have to get so defensive with me.” Yanchen says teasingly. Then he puts a hand on Zhengting’s shoulder. “I don’t share the others’ opinion on your kid. If you trust him, then I do too.”

He gives a cheeky smile as Zhengting continues to work on the food. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. Now look at me, the face of the revolution. _The pretty boy of the resistance._ ”

“Oh my god.” Zhengting groans as Yanchen wiggles his eyebrows with a laugh. “You’re so obnoxious.”

“Only for you, darling.” Yanchen laughs and Zhengting is so relieved that at least one person trusts him, trusts that he knows what he’s doing.

And Zhengting thinks, maybe things won’t be so bad.

\---

Zhengting sighs as he sits down in the common area of the sewers. They had been given a room to take residence in now that Justin was better. He had felt a little suffocated because of all the looks that they kept sending his way, however.

“You should talk to him.”

Zhengting knows who Wenjun is talking about but he feigns ignorance anyways. “Who?”

Wenjun just frowns disapprovingly. “Xukun.”

“You make it seem like it’s easy.” Zhengting plays with the sleeves of his shirt, absently pulling on the ends. “All of our conversations end the same way.”

“Maybe try to be civil?” Wenjun says and Zhengting frowns. He _was_ trying to be civil, it just so happened that he and Xukun always knew how to push each other. “You know him the best.”

“Do I?” Zhengting asks because if he was being honest, he doesn’t really know how much of Xukun he knows. Not after almost 4 years apart.

“You probably do.” And it’s not Wenjun this time. Xingjie walks over to them and takes a seat casually. “Xukun doesn’t really open up to anyone. He hasn’t, at least. Not since you left.”

“He never opened up to me.” Zhengting says, matter of fact. It would be a lie to say that he could read Xukun’s expressions. For all his openness and passion and drive, Zhengting never understood what he was to Xukun. A distraction, maybe.

“But he did.” Xingjie insists. “Talk to him. Hear him out.”

Zhengting nods because while he wasn’t too keen on the idea. He also needs to know what Xukun was planning to do with Chengcheng.

He can only hope it wouldn’t be anything radically stupid. Xukun was driven to his goal, but he wasn’t stupid, having the son of the president in their custody was a double edged sword. He would have to think carefully about his next move.

And Zhengting would do anything in his power to make sure that whatever it is wouldn’t hurt Chengcheng.

\---

Zhengting stared at the metal door as if it had offended him. Maybe it had, it was currently the only thing standing in between him and Xukun’s room and he wasn’t sure whether he liked that it was there or not. The thing with talking to Xukun was that he was yet to build the resolve to do it, but there was no better time than the present. Right?

“Um,” The sudden voice makes him jump almost out of his skin, eliciting a sharp yell that he would later deny. “Do you want to come in?”

And there Xukun was, towel on his shoulders and hair still damp. Zhengting felt like smashing his own face in with a brick.

“Where did you come from?”

“The showers.” Zhengting could hear the _duh_.

He takes a second to clear his throat, trying to make it seem as if he hasn’t been standing outside the door for minutes. “We need to talk.”

Xukun nods. “Okay.” He pushes the door open and walks in, expecting Zhengting to just follow. “Let’s talk.”

“I’m not really sure where to start.” Zhengting says, looking around the room like it’ll give him any ideas. The room is bare, save for a bed and a table, impersonal, like no one really lives in it. Zhengting thinks it looks sad and lonely. Xukun motions for him to sit on the bed so he does.

“Weren’t you the one who wanted to talk?”

“Wenjun and Xingjie told me to.” After a beat, he adds. “Justin too.”

“Oh.” Xukun says. “So you were coerced into coming here.”

“I wasn’t _coerced_ into anything.” Zhengting says a touch defensively. “I’m not going to come here just because they told me to. I came because they suggested it and I decided that we needed to talk.”

A rather pregnant silence falls over them as they look at each other, still not sure what to actually say. That is, until Xukun breaks the silence.

“I found what to do with Chengcheng.”

Zhengting snaps his head up so fast his neck makes a noise that couldn’t possibly be healthy. It was the first time Xukun has ever said Chengcheng’s name.

Xukun seats himself on the table, crossing his legs. He was out of his usual black get up, with a shirt and loose fitting sweatpants, and Zhengting hated how _domestic_ he looked like this. Like, he wasn’t the leader of the Incendiaries, and Zhengting can’t help but think of the Xukun he knew before Beijing.

“I was thinking of bringing him with us on a supply run.”

Zhengting feels his heart clench at the thought. “But why?”

“He might know where the supplies are kept.” Xukun explains. “So far our supply runs have only been intercepting what the government brings into the capital, shipments, deliveries¾those kinds of things. But that’s not enough, if we could get to a supply room maybe we would be able to get more.”

“He might not know.” Zhengting says, more as a fruitless attempt at making Xukun reconsider more than anything. “He left three years ago.”

“I doubt they changed where they keep their supplies.” Xukun counters and he’s probably right. “We’re low on medical supplies and the people need it.”

Zhengting doesn’t even have to think about his next course of action.

“Then I’m going with him.” At this, Xukun looks at him in surprise. “I’m not going to let him go alone.”

“He’s not going alone.” Xukun says but they both know what Zhengting had actually meant. “You’ve never gone on one of our supply runs before.”

“Neither has Chengcheng.” Zhengting points out and suddenly Xukun seems like he’s hesitating. “You take him and you have to take me too. I won’t let him happen any other way.”

He looks like he thinks about it for a few seconds, a conflicted look on his face. Finally, Xukun nods, his jaw clenched. “Fine, you can go.”

Zhengting smiles. “Glad we could agree on something for once.”

“You act as if we’ve never agreed to anything before.”

“We have, but not really.” Zhengting admits it was him who did the agreeing most of the time. Back then, he probably would’ve done a lot for Xukun in a heartbeat. “It was mostly just me being a mindless follower if we’re being completely honest.”

“Then why did you?” Xukun asks and it’s a genuine question. “Why did you agree to everything? I didn’t want you to be a _follower_ , Zhengting. _Christ_ , I wanted you to be my partner.”

Zhengting shrugs. “Did you really though? Whenever we did disagree on something it always led to a fight.”

It’s true. They had fought a lot, in the beginning months of the Incendiaries, when they had first takes residence in the sewers. Their relationship, if Zhengting could even call it that, just simply fell apart as soon as he started forming his own opinions, disagreeing with the things Xukun believed in.

“I never saw you as a follower, that’s all you.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Zhengting feels the tightening of his throat as he spoke. He swallowed around it and went on. “But I couldn’t just follow you to the grave. I can’t let _them_ follow you to the grave. Your revolution¾” And he says it with all the bitterness he had kept inside. All his anger. “¾it’s going to get you killed. It’s going to get you all killed.”

He thought about Yanchen who believed in the revolution and all it stood for, relished in the idea of destroying the government even if it meant diving headfirst into the ocean with a weight tied around his ankle. He thought about Zhenghao who was so very young and idealistic, believing in the idea of happily ever after. He wanted to cry.

“You don’t know that.” Xukun says and he’s so steadfast in his beliefs, so sure. It doesn’t surprise Zhengting that so many people believed in his words, entranced with the beauty that he presented them through gales of idealism and fiery passion. Zhengting thinks that no fire really truly burns forever. “I know you don’t believe in the revolution, but we’re helping people. We’re making so much progress. The government already sees that as a threat.”

“That’s not a good thing, Xukun!” Zhengting’s voice raises, and he gets up because he can’t stay there anymore, not when Xukun seemed to treat his life so nonchalantly. “The government will kill you. You can’t win this and I refuse to sit here and risk the lives of my kids in the process.”

If anything, talking about them just fueled his anger. “They’re _my_ responsibility, have been even before the world was damned.”

Xukun watches him walked to the door and Zhengting hates that it feels a little like running away. “Do you really not believe in a better world? Do you believe in anything?”

“I never believed in a world better than this. I never believed in salvation for everyone.” Zhengting says, glancing back at Xukun and looking at him right in the eye as he speaks. “The only one I ever really believed in was you.”

And then he leaves.

\---

It was an entirely different experience, being part of the chaos of preparing to leave the sewers for a supply run rather than watching it happen from the sidelines. Zhengting straps the holster of his dagger onto his waist. He was also wearing black, the clothes handed to him by Yanchen earlier. Chengcheng had told them of the location of the supplies and Xukun and Xingjie had come up with a plan.

Wenjun and Zeren watch as he prepares with critical eyes. Zeren huffs when Zhengting gives him a pointed look. “I don’t see why we can’t go with you.”

“The less of us put into the line of fire the better.” Zhengting says, but still Zeren looks like he’s just itching to join them in the action. “Just stay here and take care of the rest. I’ll protect Chengcheng.”

Zeren looks like he wants to say something at that, but Wenjun just places a hand on his shoulder and nods. “Okay. Just be safe.” And that’s enough for Zhengting.

Zhengting smiles reassuringly. “When am I not?”

Zeren snorts and they both head back to their room without another word.

Zhengting sidles up to Chengcheng, trying his best to not feel the impending panic of knowing what they were about to be doing. “Are you sure about this?” He whispers. “I can find a way to make you back out if you don’t think you can do it.”

If anything, it just seems to make Chengcheng look more determined. “I have to do this to prove myself to them. They’re never going to trust us if I don’t.”

“Just,” Zhengting sighs as he squeezes Chengcheng’s arm, “stay close, okay? Let me handle the fighting.”

Chengcheng doesn’t even give him any attitude for that. He simply nods his head.

“I guess you really are going to come with us this time, huh?”

Zhengting shrugs, smiling wanly. “It’s funny, how things work.”

“I can’t promise that everything will go smoothly,” Yanchen pats him on the back encouragingly. “But I have faith in Xukun and Xingjie. They wouldn’t let you guys go out there unless they’re sure of their plan.”

Zhengting wants to be assured, but Chengcheng had never been in active combat before. He didn’t want Chengcheng to realize that the real monsters weren’t the mutts.

The supply run was going to bring them to one of government’s secret factories, on the other end of the city. The city was divided into two. The portion of the sewers they occupied only ran through the poorer part of the city, with decrepit buildings that and even more decrepit looking people. Thugs were commonplace and people generally stayed out of each other’s business.

In contrast, the upper half of the city boasted sleek infrastructures, with colors and sounds that was all too perfect for the end of the world. The bright city lights contrasted greatly with the landscape beyond its walls.

Outside it was dark, with mutts lurking at almost every corner. Not a lot of people lived long on the outside, but surviving had always been Zhengting and his group’s second nature.

Navigating to the location was a struggle, they moved through the shadows that barely existed in a city so bright. From there, they had split up with Xukun and Xingjie going ahead.

Chengcheng had watched wide eyed as Yanchen struck a man on the head once with his ax, then twice for good measure. Yanchen smiles as he grabs the guard’s access card and he tosses a handgun at Zhengting. “Let’s go.”

The gun had had only two rounds inside but Zhengting knew it would come in handy so he slips it into one of the empty holsters around his waist. Guns were hard to come by and the only ones who really had them were the government.

Chengcheng looks at Zhengting with the same wide eyes when he beckons at him, but he follows anyway. They enter the supply room fairly easily after that, no one seemed to guard the inside. Zhengting tossed as bag to Chengcheng before filling up his own, grabbing whatever looked useful.

“Are you okay?” Zhengting asks, because Chengcheng had gone pale, and his hands were shaking as they grabbed onto the medical supplies.

Chengcheng shakes his head. “This isn’t right. The soldiers-¾most of them are good people. Everyone has to get by somehow. They’re just doing their _job_.”

“Sometimes, it has to be like this.” Zhengting hates how the words taste bitter in his mouth. “Them or us.”

“It doesn’t have to be though.” Chengcheng says, closing the bag and tossing it over his shoulder. “My sister will understand. If only I could talk to her.”

Loud footsteps interrupt Zhengting’s next words and he hands his bag over to Chengcheng as he grabs the dagger from his thigh. “We’ll talk about this later.”

“Look away if you have to.” He says before a guard bursts through the door and Zhengting is on him, stabbing him right in between his ribcage before he could so much as lift a hand in attack.

“Chengcheng!” Another guard says before Zhengting takes him down after a bit of a struggle. He takes their weapons, before turning back to Chengcheng.

Chengcheng stands frozen, just a few steps away from where Zhengting last saw him, his one of his hands were held in front of him, as if in the motion to stop Zhengting. He looks up at Zhengting and Zhengting flinches at the fear in his eyes. “I knew them.”

“I’m sorry.” Zhengting says, but it sounds empty, even to him, because his priority isn’t the lives of the guards at his feet but Chengcheng’s wellbeing.

Seconds pass as Chengcheng keeps looking at him like Zhengting’s going to hurt him.

“We have go.” Zhengting says, before he grabs Chengcheng’s arm and he pulls him out the door, stepping over the two men on the ground. He pulls him out the supply room and into the darkness of an alley, just in the shadows of the bright lights of the city.

Yanchen meets them there, grinning as he carries a bag full of supplies, oblivious to the tension that hangs in the air. He laughs, in the high of the moment, his ax bloody in his hand. “Xukun and Xingjie should be headed back by now. We have to go too.”

Chengcheng doesn’t talk the entire way back, his hands are fisted at his sides as they work their way back to the southern part of the city and then down one of the manholes.

Xukun and Xingjie are in the medical bay. Xingjie had a gash on his side that Yue Yue is working on stitching up. Xukun is up as soon as they enter the room, eyes scanning Zhengting up and down once. “Did you get hurt?”

Zhengting shakes his head and Chengcheng is silent as he drops the bags onto one of the tables and leaves the room. Zhengting flinches at the sound of the door closing behind him.

Xukun raises his eyebrow at that. “Did something happen?”

Zhengting moves his head from side to side again, the movements feeling robotic somehow. He doesn’t really want to talk about it, especially so soon right after they had just gotten back.

Instead he opens up the bags, and starts arranging the medical supplies without another word. However, as he reaches up to place something on one of the shelves he feels a sharp pain on his arm and he can’t stop the gasp that leaves his lips.

A hand is suddenly on his shoulder and Xukun is pulling him onto a bed. “Xukun, what-”

Xukun tugs on his shirt and a flare of panic goes through Zhengting as he pulls the hem back down. “What the fuck?”

“You’re hurt.” Xukun says simply as if that answered his question.

“Stop-” Zhengting slaps his hands away. “Stop trying to undress me.”

Xukun looks defiant however as he stares Zhengting down. “Let me see.”

Zhengting sighs in defeat, knowing Xukun won’t back down. He pulls the black article of clothing over his head, leaving him in a sleeveless shirt. “It’s just a small cut.”

“You said you weren’t hurt.”

“It barely hurts.” Zhengting says but he grits his teeth anyways as Xukun pours disinfectant over it. “I didn’t even know it was there.”

Xukun just hums in acknowledgement that sounds oddly like he didn’t believe a single thing that came out of Zhengting’s mouth.

“You shouldn’t have gone.”

“I would never let Chengcheng go alone.” Zhengting says and the image of Chengcheng’s fearful gaze is seared into his memory. “He could never handle killing anyone.”

“And you can?”

“I would do a lot of things if it means protecting them, Xukun.” Zhengting says. “I would end the whole world myself.”

He pretends he can’t see the fond smile on Xukun’s face, or that he can’t feel the way his heart clenches as the familiarity.

“I have to talk to Chengcheng.” Zhengting says, and it’s half to get away from this situation and half because he’s really worried. Xukun had finished bandaging his arm and his hand just lingers there, and the warmth of it spreads through Zhengting’s entire body.

Xukun steps away, then, and watches as he gets up and leaves the room. He spares a glance behind him and offers a smile, weak along the corners.

Xukun returns it and that’s enough. For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> firstly, i'd like to thank all of you guys for your really nice comments, i haven't been able to reply bc school got in the way huhuhu
> 
> anyways, it's my finals week now so pls pray for my deadass soul. btw my test last week went oddly okay wow i actually passed
> 
> but anyways, i'm sorry this update came later than usual. i'll hopefully be able to update a lot more by next week


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zhengting’s world had been dark long before the world was plunged into an abyss.

Zhengting’s world had been dark long before the world was plunged into an abyss.

Living on the streets gave him little to no reason to trust in the government, even when it had been a democracy. He learned earlier on that it was only ever a democracy for those who could afford it. Being a street urchin all his life had made him tough, on top of protecting those few he held dear, because the world was cruel and it will always be cruel to people like him. It had always been the six of them, and their lives have always been his priority.

Then the world ended.

Zhengting would be lying if he said he’s never killed before.

As much as he talked about the importance of life, he wasn’t a humanitarian by any means. When the world first fell into chaos and the mutts came from seemingly out of nowhere, everything was dangerous, especially people.

Fighting had always been something that he did, but this time everyone was suddenly on the same level as him. Knocked down from their ivory towers, Zhengting found that it was easy to reach over and slit their throats when they tried and threatened them with power that they didn’t have in the damned world.

But then they arrived in Beijing and he realized how much power people could still wield over others. It was cruel and vile but this had always been his world, it didn’t matter how dangerous it was as long as they were alive, he would be okay.

But seeing Chengcheng close up immediately after he had come to him to talk, he starts to question whether he was actually keeping them safe or not.

“You,” he starts, hand out to reach for Chengcheng, lowering when the younger flinches, “weren’t supposed to see that.”

“What?” Chengcheng says and his voice sounds betrayed. “I wasn’t supposed to see you killing someone? I told you _they have a job_.”

“I know that.” Zhengting says, patient and calming. “But I have a job too, and that’s making sure you’re not hurt.”

“But I am hurt.” Zhengting, try as he might, was always weak when any of them cried, and now was no different. Chengcheng is visibly struggling to talk as tears started to well at the corners of his eyes. “They have families, people who they care for and care for them just like you. Like you said, people don’t choose to live under a dictatorship.”

“I know and I don’t like killing either. There are just some-” Zhengting struggles, words failing him. “-necessary evils.”

“Is it really necessary?”

“For you to survive?” The firmness in his voice surprises even him, and he wonders when he’d become so cold to the rest of the world. “I’d kill anyone that gets in the way.”

“Then how are you better than them?” Chengcheng counters. “You’ll all kill for whatever you believe in.”

“I never said I was better than them.”

“But you can be.” Chengcheng insists, growing frustrated. “You don’t have you keep killing people.”

“But I-”

“Because all this killing isn’t going to win you guys anything.” Chengcheng says, and he’s crying but Zhengting is afraid that if he touches him, he’ll walk away. “No one wins a war.”

“I want no part in this war.” Zhengting says. “We aren’t going to get involved.”

“But isn’t standing aside and letting it happen just as bad?”

“What would you have me do?” Zhengting asks and it’s frustrating. He’s damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t.

“Talk to them.” Chengcheng reaches out, clutches his shirt with both hands. “Tell them to stop, or people won’t stop dying.”

“I-” Zhengting deflates at the sight of Chengcheng, tears falling down his cheeks and sniffling so much he could barely talk. “Okay. I’ll try.”

He tentatively wraps his arms around the younger, letting him cry into his shirt.  Talking to Xukun wasn’t something that he particularly wanted to do, not about this. But Chengcheng had a point, people on both sides would keep dying at this point, and he wouldn’t know what to do with himself if any of them were caught in the crossfire.

He resolves himself to speaking to Xukun even though he knows it probably won’t work. Xukun never listens to him.

\---

Zhengting finds them all together. Xukun, Xingjie and Yue Yue are deep in conversation, heads bowed together as they spoke in barely hushed tones. Yanchen is sitting down with his chair kicked back, languidly adding a word or two when he wanted.

Zhengting almost doesn’t want to interrupt them. Almost.

“I think we need to talk about something.” He says from his place at the doorway. They don’t look shocked at his presence, as if they were just waiting for him to join them. “About Chengcheng.”

“I think we’ve already established that Chengcheng isn’t a threat to us.” Xukun says, having the decency to at least look guilty at the blank look at Zhengting throws his way. Yue Yue, nods in agreement. He had spoken to Zhengting a while back, apologizing for his assumptions of Chengcheng and for not trusting him. Zhengting didn’t hold it against him, he realizes that both groups had no real reason to trust each other.

“It’s not about that.” Zhengting says, carefully keeping his face blank. “It’s about something he told me yesterday.”

“What is it?”

Zhengting hesitates, looking at Xukun now, he could almost hear what he was going to think about his next words. “He thinks that we-” he clears his throat “-you should stop fighting the government. He says that there are people who are willing to listen, like his sister.”

Xukun looks dumbfounded. “He’s suggesting what?”

“Peaceful resolution.”

“Diplomacy, you mean.”

“You could call it that.”

“Diplomacy.” Xukun repeats hollowly and Zhengting can practically see the gears of his brain come to a halt at the prospect. His words come out flatly, more a statement rather than a question. “Is there even diplomacy in a dictatorship.”

“There could be?” Zhengting shrugs, it wasn’t an end-all solution, but he thought it made a bit of sense, at least, if the government didn’t decide to shoot them on sight. “He says that his sister isn’t very keen on the dictatorship herself. She might be able to help us.”

“Us.” Xukun repeats.

“Is that what you got from that?” Zhengting asks, pinching himself at his slip up. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Really?” Yanchen wiggles his eyebrows at him, shit eating grin plastered on his face. “You’re practically one of us now. You’ve been here for quite a while, and you even went on a supply run.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” And something that sounds like defeat layers itself on top of Zhengting’s voice. “I guess we’re part of your group until this is all over. There isn’t really much for us outside.”

Yanchen whoops, almost falling over.

Zhengting decides it’s time to get back on topic. He pointedly does not comment on the smile on Xukun’s face. “Anyways, Chengcheng is right. None of this fighting and killing is going to get you anywhere. You’re all going to die at this rate. The government outnumber you and they have weapons that you guys don’t.” He thinks about the gun that he has in their room, two bullets. Two bullets are enough to end two lives at two presses of a finger.

“The government aren’t going to talk to us.” Xukun snorts. “We’d be dead before we could even say ‘diplomacy’.”

“You haven’t tried yet though.”

“I don’t want to get everyone killed.”

“Oh?” Zhengting raises a brow at that and Xukun glares. “Honestly though, don’t you think this would lessen the casualties? People are going to die if you keep fighting. Both sides are going to lose.”

“And you call me the idealist.”

“This isn’t be being an _idealist_.” Zhengting huffs. “This is me trying to make you see that there are other options.”

“Do you really think the government won’t kill us long enough to have a diplomatic conversation?” Xingjie asks and Zhengting finds that he isn’t quite sure he can answer that.

Xukun notices his silence. “Exactly. They’re going to kill us. I’m not going to risk our lives over a possibility that they won’t.”

“But-”

“No.”

Feeling a little bit like a child being reprimanded, Zhengting huffs. “You aren’t even considering it.”

“Why would I consider something that could potentially kill everyone?”

“Because it could save everyone.” Zhengting says, “Because killing people who work for the government if killing someone’s family, someone’s friend. How can we be different from the government if we result to killing?”

“It’s a means to an end.” Xukun reasons out and Zhengting can see him get more and more heated. “We don’t _kill mindlessly_ , the government does.”

“But don’t you though?” Zhengting argues back because this is how they always are, who was he kidding? “You don’t know who you kill, all you care about is that they’re beliefs aren’t the same as yours and they’re on a side that isn’t yours. You pass judgement on them, playing judge, jury, and executioner because that’s how it usually goes, right? We’re right, so they’re wrong?”

“Zhengting.” And it’s a warning and a plea altogether. “Don’t.”

“But it’s the truth. How are you different from the government when you kill just as they do?”

“Because we only kill when it is absolutely necessary!” Xukun snaps. “Killing people isn’t something that we do just because, it’s us or them and I’s rather have it be them rather than us. The public executions, the abuse of power, how are we the same as them?”

“Because at the end of the day it is still lives that you’re taking.”

“Zhengting.” It’s Yanchen who regards him this time and the look he gives him is enough to tell Zhengting that they weren’t going to get anywhere and he might as well stop.

So he slumps his shoulders down, nods and excuses himself. There was never really any hope in convincing Xukun to have it any other way. He was being naïve to think that he would change anything like this. If anything, he had to take it in his own hands.

\---

“You know,” Yanchen starts, leaning casually against the doorframe. Everyone else was already asleep, save for Zhengting who was examining his dagger. He had cleaned it already, but he still saw the contempt in Chengcheng’s eyes when he looked at it. “Your idea’s not too bad. It’s stupid, but it isn’t bad.”

“Not here.” Zhengting gets up, grabbing Yanchen’s arm as he walks out of the room. He slows down when they’re a few ways away from the room, letting go of Yanchen. “They need to rest a little more.”

“Spoken like true parent.” Yanchen teases before getting a little more serious. “I scared your boy, didn’t I?”

“It’s not your fault.” Zhengting sighs. “Chengcheng-he hasn’t experienced the world we have.”

“But it still stands.” Yanchen insists. He actually does look quite worried and Zhengting finds that kind of endearing. “I scared him and I shouldn’t have.”

“Do you enjoy it?” Zhengting says instead, thinking of the wide smile and the elated laugh that was stained with blood at the corners. “The killing?”

Yanchen makes a face, contemplative. “Not necessarily?” He looks down at his hands. “Is it bad if I told you it doesn’t really make me feel anything?”

Zhengting hums, encouraging him to continue. One glance at Yanchen said that it was kind of hard for him to explain it with words, but, here in the sewers, he had time to wait. They didn’t have that privilege on the outside, constantly on the move, and fearing every other sound.

“Even before all this-” Yanchen gestures with his hands. “-I was never a good person. Killing isn’t something that I look forward to doing, but I don’t mind having to do it either.”

Zhengting doesn’t press further, he just squeezes Yanchen’s shoulder and sighs. “You’re a good guy now, none of the _before_ matters anymore, the world ended and you’re helping people.”

“Am I really? Like you said, we’re still taking lives just because they aren’t on our side.” Yanchen kicks his feet and Zhengting finally sees the weight on his shoulders. He slumps a little bit and it’s a little disconcerting to see him like this, with a smile on his face that is a little more than a touch derisive.

“You didn’t choose the life you were born into.” Zhengting understands this much, the world was never nice to people like them. “But you chose the life you live now, and you’re doing good. To be honest, I can’t blame you guys for doing what you do.”

“To judge you for killing people would be hypocritical of me, don’t you think?” And they share wry smiles that are a little sad but are encouraging enough.

“Have they…?”

“We had to do a lot of things to survive before all this.” Zhengting admits. “But no, it’s always been me.”

Zhengting looks up, watches the light swing back and forth almost rhythmically. “I never want them to be the kind of people who sees murder as justice.” He clenches his fist, a little too tight. “Once you kill someone, you can’t really say you’re normal anymore. I want them to stay normal.”

“Yeah.” Yanchen says. “Unlike us.”

Zhengting sends him another smile. “Unlike us.”

\---

Chengcheng reacts exactly how Zhengting predicted he would. He fists his hands in his hair and gives Zhengting a look that is both frustrated and pleading, like he could solve all his problems. “Why won’t they listen?”

“They’ve been doing this for years. I don’t think they’re too keen on listening.”

“If only I could talk to my sister.”

Zhengting looks up at Chengcheng, watching him pace back and forth. “Are you sure your sister would help us though?”

“She would.” Chengcheng insists adamantly. “She was the one who told me about all the problems with dad. Before that I thought he was such a great guy, that he was helping people.”

“Must’ve been tough.”

“It was.” There’s a faraway look on Chengcheng’s face, one that Zhengting finds that he’s familiar with. He catches glimpses of it sometimes, when Chengcheng gets silent, not having Justin by his side to bother him. “She helps people a lot, you know? Sometimes she sneaks supplies out, brings then to the southern part of the city. There’s this orphanage she used to go to a lot, she loved children so she used to go there almost every week.”

It was nice, Zhengting thinks, to know that not everyone who had the money and privilege was out to use it against everyone else. Maybe there was hope for them, that maybe they could one day rebuild the world to be better than it was.

He gets an idea then, and he hates that he thought it up but he also wants to wipe the desolate look off Chengcheng’s face. “Does your sister still go to this orphanage?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?” Chengcheng says, catching on almost immediately. “I’m going with you.”

“You aren’t.” Zhengting says firmly, and Chengcheng lets out a groan. “You’re too high profile to be going into the city. If anyone catches a glimpse of you and tells one of your father’s guard dogs, we’ll be taken before we could even reach your sister.”

“Then who are you taking with you?”

“No one.”

Chengcheng throws a pillow at his head. “You can’t go alone.”

“It’ll be better if I go alone.” Zhengting argues back. “It’ll be more discreet , and I don’t have to worry about anyone.”

“So you would rather just have us worry about you here? Knowing that you won’t have any back up if you get in danger?”

“But-”

“And what if you never come back?” Chengcheng’s voice grows high, cracking a little. “Do we just sit here, wondering where you went? You could be captured by the government, _killed even_ , and we wouldn’t know. All because you would rather risk yourself going alone and dying alone than have anyone risk themselves for you.”

“Isn’t it better if I die alone than drag someone down with me?”

“You are an extremely idiotic, self-sacrificing asshole, you know that?”

Zhengting just smiles at him a bit too cheekily, grabbing his arm and batting his lashes in the most exaggerated manner. “You love me though.”

Chengcheng gives him a blank look. “You can’t go alone.”

Zhengting huffs, but nods anyways. “Okay.”

And that’s how he finds himself walking carefully out of their room and through the sewers. He would feel guilty for doing this if he wasn’t sure that this was the only way to keep everyone safe. So he walks carefully through the dim lighting of the sewers, trying to bring unwanted attention onto himself.

He opts to take the exit they went in from the first time they went into the sewers. The risks were probably higher, as it led to the outside of the city, but he couldn’t risk being spotted by any one of the Incendiaries.

It was probably stupid, but he thinks that if he doesn’t do this now then this was never going to happen.

He grabs the handle to the door, letting out a long breath, before heaving as he pulls it down with much effort.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

Zhengting jumps, letting go of the handle and hearing it click back into place.

Xukun stands there, eyes looking dangerously dark as he looks Zhengting up and down, taking in the dark clothes and the dagger strapped to his thigh.

Zhengting’s mind goes blank, all rational thought going up in flames.

_Oh shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so my classes are finally done, thank god. i'll be able to update a lot more now
> 
> btw, if you guys have any ships and suggestions for my next fic (biting, zhengyi, more zhengkun, etc) just comment them down below!
> 
> thank you all for leaving such nice comments and reading i really appreciate it!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s so easy for you to just die for your revolution.” Zhengting finds that he can’t push back the tears so he just lets them fall. “All I wanted was for you to try and live for me.”

There was a certain kind of fear that Zhengting only found when Xukun gave him the kind of look that he was giving him right now.

Xukun clicks his tongue and Zhengting wants to run, to just yank the entrance open and somehow escape into the darkness of the outside, but he knows all his efforts would be way too easily thwarted. So instead, he stares at Xukun wide eyed as he purses his lips in faux thought, then he says, very slowly so Zhengting could feel the fear creep up his spine. “You better have a good explanation for this.”

“Um.” Zhengting looks anywhere but at Xukun, but his eyes never seem to catch anything, flitting about helplessly instead. “Well, you see…”

Xukun cocks a brow and Zhengting feels like collapsing right then and there.

“You weren’t going to listen to me so I thought...” Xukun takes a step closer and Zhengting takes one back.

“That you would go out there alone? Take it into your own hands, huh?” Another step.

“Well, yeah.” Then another.

Zhengting finds himself stuck between the wall and Xukun, unable to escape. Xukun is eyeing him down and he can’t seem to look away, as if his stare is chaining him in place. “You’re stupid.”

“What?”

“You say that you left me because you didn’t want to put yourself in danger, but here you are, putting yourself in danger. This-” Xukun traces his hand over the side of Zhengting’s face, just under his earlobe, over the faded scar, (he had gotten it after he fought with a man who had attacked Xinchun) “-wasn’t here before you left.”

“I never left because of me,” Zhengting breathes out, and it’s an excuse he’s told himself time and time again, “I left because of you. I don’t get why you’re so adamant to have me see you die.”

_Zhengting stares at the open wound on Xukun’s stomach. Xukun looked pale, face matted with sweat and breathing coming out in short stuttered breaths. He feels his own breath hitch, but he knows he also can’t freeze up, because Xukun was bleeding and he wasn’t going to stop unless he did something about it._

_“You’re so stupid.” He says instead._

_He does his best to stich up the split skin, hands shaky and tears blurring his vision. The blood makes it slippery, fumbling and messy and Zhengting feels himself get more and more frustrated. “I hate you.”_

_Xukun just lets out a shallow laugh. “You don’t.”_

_“if you die,” Zhengting says, calming somewhat at the sound of Xukun’s voice, “I will never forgive you.”_

_“I’m not going to die.”_

_“If you keep pulling shit like this. You will.” Zhengting says, finally able stitch the wound close. He works in silence, bandaging Xukun ever so carefully and barely breathing all the while._

_Xukun falls asleep after some time and Zhengting slowly gets up and walks to the bathroom._

_There’s blood on his hands and the blood is Xukun’s. So he rinses it off, but his hands still look red and he looks in the mirror and there is blood smeared on his face and his tears won’t wash it off. And he tries and tries to wash it all off but it won’t come off and he think that his hands will always be stained with the blood of the one he loved._

_Xukun wakes up the next day and Zhengting leaves the sewers two weeks later._

“I’m not going to die.” Xukun says, and his hand cups his face, keeping him there.

“How are you sure?” Zhengting says, and he can feel the tears well up at the corners of his eyes at the sight of Xukun so close. “This cause. You’re going to die for it and no one will remember you except for me. You’ll just be another unnamed rebel who tried to bite more than he can chew.”

“It’s so easy for you to just die for your revolution.” Zhengting finds that he can’t push back the tears so he just lets them fall. “All I wanted was for you to try and live for me.”

“Don’t you think I do that already?” Xukun says. “The revolution isn’t only for the people. The revolution is for you. You’ve always told me that the world had never been kind to you, I want to be able to build a world that is nothing _but_ kind to you, and people who are like you.”

Like this, with nothing but Xukun assaulting his senses, Zhengting thinks that maybe he’s going to break apart, piece after piece of himself and all the resolve he’s built shattering right before his very eyes.

Instead, he leans forward, pressing his face into the crook of Xukun’s shoulder, so that he can’t see him fall apart, or maybe it’s so that he can catch him. At this point, Zhengting isn’t sure. “You don’t have to do that.”

And Xukun is gentle, rubbing circles into his back and making sounds that are supposed to be soothing but only helps in making Zhengting feel weaker. “But I want to.” He says. “Your kids-Justin, the rest-I don’t want them to fight in this revolution as much as you do, but I also learned that you can’t control people and what they do.”

“You can’t protect them forever.” Xukun says, and he nudges Zhengting, wordlessly asking him to look up. “They want to be beside you, not hiding behind your back all the time.”

“I know that.” Zhengting says, finally lifting his head. “I know that if I let them they would fight with me-with you, but I can’t-”

Breathless, like he’d just run a marathon, he whispers-a prayer, maybe. “I can’t let them take another person’s life.”

There was a part of Zhengting that no longer felt human. And maybe that was his own fault, but killing people had torn away at him and left him gaping, and not whole. He’ll be damned if he let the same happen to any of his kids.

Maybe Xukun saw that, trying to stitch him up in his own macabre way. Or maybe he didn’t. But he did understand that killing people was something that Zhengting was wholly against unless it’s to protect those he loved.

“Come with me.” Zhengting says, quiet, barely a decibel above a whisper. “Trust me this one time, please.”

Xukun pulls him forward into a hug, and it’s the most comfort he’s had in a while. “Okay.” He says, and Zhengting feels relief wash over his body.

“Okay.”

\---

They decide to go the next day, just the two of them. Xukun doesn’t mention the day before to anyone, and Chengcheng just assumes that he’d somehow convinced him.

Walking the streets of the city in the day was a new experience. Xukun was wearing normal clothes, losing the cowl that’d garner more attention in the broad daylight.

“This is weird.” Zhengting says. It was new to him, being in the city with Xukun, but also very familiar. They had once entered this city together, walked the streets not knowing that it was run by a tyrant. They had been so young, then.

“Yeah,” Xukun replies, and his hand brushes Zhengting’s and Zhengting muses about how normal it would feel to twine their hands together. “Do you really think this could work?”

“I don’t know.” Zhengting says truthfully. “But I trust what Chengcheng says and I think that I’m willing to take this risk if it means that a war could be prevented.”

Xukun sighs, but his eyes get steely as they approach the orphanage. “Well, let’s hope this works.”

The orphanage was pretty well-kept for an establishment in this part of the city. Its façade was better than most, but that was to be expected if the daughter of the president supported it.

Zhengting and Xukun are greeted by a rather friendly woman upon entering. Her smile is wide and welcoming, eyes kind as she speaks to them. “How may I help you?”

“We’re here to see Bingbing.” Zhengting explains, noticing the shift in her face at his words, her eyes narrowing. Suddenly, she doesn’t look all that welcoming. “We heard that she regularly comes here.”

The woman keeps her smile, but it’s stiff around the edges and her eyes are cold. “How may I help you?”

Zhengting coughs nervously, unsure what to say at the sudden change in atmosphere. Xukun clears his throat. “Fan Chengcheng was the one who told us about this place.”

If anything, this only makes the woman even more distrustful of them. “I think it’s best if the two of you leave and be on your own merry way now.”

“Jieqiong, it’s okay.” A voice says. A person who Zhengting thinks is probably the most beautiful and regal woman he’s ever seen stands next to one of the doors that probably leads to the inner part of the building. “How do you know Chengcheng.”

“Um.” Zhengting hesitates. “I kind of adopted him? He joined our group after I found him.”

Bingbing looks contemplative as she sweeps her eyes over him. Zhengting feel somewhat like he’s being read, like she’s somehow looking into his mind. Finally, she nods. “Follow me.”

They trail behind her as she enters the door she came from. He can feel Jieqiong’s eyes on them, threatening, and he’s never felt so scared of a person before. They pass by several children who stare at them in wide eyed wonder, many come up to Bingbing, and Zhengting sees the gentleness in the way she treats them.

“So,” She says when they reach their supposed destination, a small corner of the room. She takes a seat, gesturing for them to do the same. “Why are you here?”

Xukun leans forward conspiratorially. “I’m Xukun.” He extends his hand out, a formal greeting. “I’m the leader of the Incendiaries.”

Recognition flits over Bingbing’s face, which stays relatively blank. Zhengting can’t help but find this unnerving. “And why are you here?”

“Chengcheng says that you’ll be willing to talk with us, to come to a mutual agreement.” Xukun explains.

Bingbing nods. “You want to work out a diplomacy?”

“I heard,” Zhengting says, soft and unsure, “that there are soldiers who don’t agree with your father, who only follow for stability.”

“There are,” Bingbing sighs, and she suddenly looks tired, “and some of them have started to rebel.”

Xukun blinks owlishly. “What?”

“You underestimate your influence.” And there’s something resembling respect in Bingbing’s voice as she regards Xukun. “You are giving people hope, and they are using that hope to fight back.”

“I can’t say I didn’t expect that to happen,” Xukun says, because that was one of the goals of the revolution, to inspire people to fight back.

“Yes well,” Bingbing’s lips thin into a line, “these same people are being torn away from their families and held captive. Some are tortured, killed, used as an example. The general public are unaware, who knows what would happen if they found out about a possible mutiny.” The last bit she says under her breath.

Zhengting flinches, it wasn’t unheard of for the government to conduct public executions, but to know that so many of these were actually happening underground. Zhengting’s stomach churns.

“Do you think,” Xukun says, hesitantly after that bit of information, “a diplomacy would be possible?”

“My father has been considering it.” Bingbing says, steepling her fingers together. “Things haven’t been the same since we lost Chengcheng.”

Zhengting tries to be comforting when he smiles at her. “Chengcheng is doing well. He misses you a lot.”

She returns his smile, and he knows that somehow, they understand each other. And that is enough. “I will try to discuss it with him. It won’t be easy,” her eyes flicker, from Xukun to Zhengting, then back again. “How do I reach you?”

“We can set up a rendezvous point. When do you think you could meet with us?”

“Five days from now, meet me at the Hub, by noon.”

The Hub was in the center of northern part of the city, near the Nexus, the government building that houses the president. Xukun didn’t look too comfortable with this idea, but he nods anyways. “We’ll meet you there.”

“Great.” Bingbing smiles, and they shake hands again. “I hope that we can rebuild this society for the better.”

Xukun nods, takes her hand in his, and there is a hint of a smile playing at his lips. “Yeah, I hope so too.”

\---

“How is she? Does she look well?”

Zhengting smiles at Chengcheng’s enthusiastic greetings, he had run over as soon as they entered the room, bombarding them with questions about his sister.

“She looks great.” Zhengting says. “She’s really kind, but also kind of scary.”

“She is.” Chengcheng smiles fondly, with the same faraway look in his eyes. Then he turns to Xukun. “Thank you for doing this.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” Xukun replies. “My reasons are selfish.”

“Even still.”

Xukun nods. He holds Zhengting’s hand, squeezing it gently before letting go. “I’ll leave you to talk.”

Zhengting sighs. They had talked about it, on the way back. Xukun thought that it was best that the spoke to the kids about his fears. Zhengting really didn’t want to, but he also thought that he probably should.

“I think,” Zhengting admits when he’s seated Chengcheng down and there are now six pairs of eyes looking at him. “That I’ve been pretty unfair to you guys.”

He hesitates, worrying his lips with his teeth. “You followed me into this revolution and followed me out as well without asking any questions. And I’m thankful but I don’t think it’s fair that you guys just follow me without explanation.”

“It’s never been a question if we would follow you or not.” Wenjun says. “We’d follow you anywhere.”

“But that’s the thing, I never gave you guys a choice.”

“It was our choice to be in your company. Not yours. _Ours_.” There’s something in the way Zeren look at Zhengting so intently, like he was forcing the ideas into Zhengting’s mind with his gaze.

“That’s beside the point. I’m here to give you a reason.”

Justin scoffs. “Other than the fact that you and your boyfriend had a falling out?”

Zhengting rolls his eyes but doesn’t comment on it. “I don’t want you to die.”

“Yes.” Quanzhe says, head not even lifting from where it’s rested on Xinchun’s shoulder. “I don’t want me to die also.”

“I’m serious.”

“I’m serious too. I really don’t want to die.”

“I also don’t want you to kill.” Zhengting says instead, feeling the vein in his forehead pulse in annoyance. “A war means that you’ll have to do that.”

“Is this,” Xinchun says, “your shitty reason for why you act so reckless all the time?”

“Yes?”

“We don’t need to hear it.” Xinchun waves his hand. “We just need you to stop.”

“I don’t want you to die.”

“Here we go again.”

“Look,” Wenjun says, because the conversation was obviously not going anywhere. “We get it. You don’t want us to die, and you don’t want us to kill either. But we also don’t like watching you risk your life all the time.”

“I guess we’ve reached an impasse.”

“No,” Zeren says, and he pinches Zhengting’s leg. “You just decide things by yourself and we allow it because we care about you.”

Zhengting smiles and Zeren makes a face before adding, “Somewhat.”

“Anyways,” Zeren says, “what I’m trying to say is, protecting us, it shouldn’t be one sided. We want to protect you too. So let us.”

Zhengting feels the flush on his face. “I should.” He sighs.

He looks up at them, feeling a lump on his throat. “Thank you for being understanding.” He says. “I don’t know how I’d live without you guys there.”

“Honestly,” Justin says, “I don’t think you’d survive a day without us.”

“Yeah,” Zhengting replies, and he’s so very relieved. The weight on his chest felt like it had been knocked off, and he’s so, so thankful. “I don’t think I would either.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was such a STRUGGLE to write. it's probably why i kept writing biting last week.  
> so since i won't be able to see in the next two days, i decided to post this today.  
> thank you guys for your patience! dw this story will be coming to an end soon.  
> i love you all!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ohmygod it's just a lot of shit happens i'm so sorry

The thing was, Zhengting and Xukun often found themselves at ends with each other, especially when it came to putting themselves in danger. Zhengting knew how Xukun was like, wanting to save everyone and putting himself in the line of fire for the sake of “the greater good.” And he hated it, it was one of the main reasons he even left, because he couldn’t bear to see it happen again and again, Xukun coming back with more and more scars and Zhengting feeling like his heart was being ripped out every time. Xukun always made Zhengting sit back, and they would argue for hours about it because Zhengting didn’t _want_ to be protected. It was one thing they never agreed on and Zhengting never listened.

So it’s not a shock to Zhengting when Xukun comes to him and asks him to do just that.

It’s five days later, when they’re supposed to meet Bingbing, when Xukun grasps Zhengting’s arm and stops him from joining Yanchen and Xingjie near the exit of the sewers. “Don’t go.”

“What?”

“I said don’t go.” Xukun says, and his voice is pleading. “I don’t trust Bingbing fully.” He admits, lowering his head. “And to meet her so close to the Nexus…”

Zhengting frowns. “So you want to go, but I can’t?”

“Please.” And Xukun’s hand around his arm is tight and there is a special glint in his eyes that tells him this is something that Xukun doesn’t really want to debate.

Zhengting wants to argue and but he bites his lip instead, because they’ve just recently come to an agreement. They hadn’t had a single argument since they had gone to the orphanage together, and it was the most peace their relationship saw in four years. Their stability was precarious at best and Zhengting wanted to at least keep it that way.

So he takes Xukun’s hand from his arm and nods. “Just this once.” He says, but then his eyes harden a little. “I swear to god Cai Xukun, if you don’t come back in one piece I’m going to kill you myself.”

And Xukun sends him a smile that’s too grateful for someone who is shielding Zhengting from a proverbial bullet with his own body.

Zhengting watches him leave with a heaviness set deep into his stomach.

(“We’ll get him back safe.” Yanchen teases, winking as the door closes behind them.)

\---

“I’m so glad you came back.” Bu Fan slurs as he leans his cheek against Zhengting’s shoulder.

Bu Fan had talked Zhengting into drinking with him while Xukun was gone and Zhengting had agreed because it was a nice distraction. Now, however, he was starting to regret that decision, as Bu Fan downs another drink.

Zhengting rolls his eyes at the giant lump of man that had taken to using him as a pillow. “You’re such a big baby.”

“I’m your baby.” Bu Fan pouts, and Zhengting fake gags as Yue Yue laughs at him from across the table. Zeren is passed out by Zhengting’s other side, slumped over the table and Wenjun plays with his hair, already looking like he was about to fall asleep himself.

“But seriously though,” Bu Fan sits up, sways a little, and holds onto Zhengting’s biceps with both his hands, eyes dead serious despite the alcohol clouding his gaze. “This revolution would die if you left again. I think Xukun will literally stop working.”

“Uh-huh.” Zhengting says, humoring him. “Sure, Bu Fan.”

“I’m serious.” Bu Fan is leaning dangerously to the left, Zhengting has to hold him upright. “You’re like the mom of this revolution, you _birthed it_.”

“What the fuck.”

At this point Yue Yue is red in the face as he laughs, unhelpful even after Zhengting makes a dismayed sound at him.

“I love you, Zhengting.” Bu Fan slurs on, face now pressed against his shoulder as he slumps into Zhengting’s arms. “I loooooove you.”

Zhengting rolls his eyes, then turns to look at Yue Yue who has been no help whatsoever. “You can choke.”

\---

Zhenghao is what alerts him of their return much later that night.

“They’re back!” He says enthusiastically, running to Zhengting. Zhengting’s arms are full of overexcited, buzzing Zhenghao for just a moment before Zhenghao steps back again to tug on his arm. “Hurry up. Xukun says he wants to see you!” He then runs back to wherever he came from, Zhengting trailing behind at a much slower pace.

It’s with fondness that he sees Zhenghao talk Xukun’s ear off, Xukun’s hand on his head, and a soft smile playing at his lips. He had never seen Xukun look so _parental_ before. It was something that he was glad Xukun had found, even if it was without him in the picture.

Xukun looks up at him and grins and it’s one of those smiles that make Zhengting’s breath hitch because he looks genuinely happy and Zhengting hasn’t seen his look like that in a long time.

Xukun approaches him and Zhenghao scurries off, probably to go play with Quanzhe.

“They agreed to it.” He’s breathless, like he can’t believe it himself and he looks so elated Zhengting feels his own heart swell. “I can’t believe we might actually see an end to this.”

“This is all because of you. You worked so hard to get here.”

“No,” Xukun says, and he’s grasping Zhengting tight and he says. “This wouldn’t be possible if you weren’t here-if you hadn’t come back.”

“You’ll have to thank Zhenghao for that one. And Chengcheng.” Zhengting says, ignoring the way his heart stutters, and rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. It was awkward, Zhengting thought, he wasn’t actually sure with where they were yet.

“I will.”

“So…” Zhengting trails, and Xukun seems to realize their situation, letting go of him completely and stepping back. Zhengting tries not to dwell on the loss of his warmth. “What’s the plan now?”

“They want to meet us at the Nexus two days from now.”

“The Nexus,” Zhengting repeats, and the words sound ominous, somehow. “Are you sure? It seems so far from home base and too close to their side.”

“I know,” Xukun looks like he had already been contemplating it. “But what other choice do we have? Not everyone is going to go, Xingjie, the rest will stay.” Zhengting hears the _in case I don’t leave alive_ tacked on. Leaving Xingjie behind only meant one thing, Xukun wanted someone left behind to lead the group should the worst happen.

“I’m going with you.”

“You can’t.”

Zhengting’s eyebrow raises. “I can’t?” He says disbelievingly. “ _I_ decide what I can or cannot do, Xukun. Not you. And I said I’m going.”

Xukun sighs then and Zhengting knows he’s won. The defeat in Xukun’s expression something that bordered worry more than annoyance. “Okay.”

“I’m glad we could come to an agreement.” Zhengting smiles.

Xukun looks like he’s trying hard to keep his frown. “I’m not.”

Their conversation ends there and Xukun leaves with an awkward wave that Zhengting returns. It was a little weird, not knowing where they lie. Zhengting wanted to reach out and settle things but it seemed like the situation just didn’t call for it, especially now, with so much about to happen.

This was it, finally, the culmination of all of Xukun’s efforts. Zhengting felt like he cheated somehow, ducking out for years and coming back in time just to see the end of it. Like a coward who couldn’t bear to see the ugly parts and only comes to pick the flowers that the gardener spent all their time cultivating. And the thought of that made him feel awful, like the roses he had plucked had suddenly dug their thorns into the skin of his hands.

But he would be damned if he let go of them now.

It is when Xukun nears him again that he knows that this is where things end. Or begin. Maybe both.

“I think we need to talk.”

“About?” Zhengting plays dumb, cocks his head to the side, but Xukun is already grabbing his arm and dragging him through the sewers and into his room. Zhengting hopes he can’t feel his pulse through the sleeve of his shirt.

“I miss you.” Xukun says when they’re finally in the room, the door closed behind them.

“What.” Zhengting feels kind of stupid, like his brain was coated in molasses, slow and languid.

And Xukun comes close-way too close. “I said, I. Miss. You.”

Zhengting feels kind of caged in like this and he isn’t sure he dislikes it. “I miss you too?”

“You’ve been gone for four years, Zhengting.” He says, like Zhengting does not know that, and his gaze is so, so intent. Standing together like this, Zhengting thinks that the familiarity of it should hurt, but right now, in this context, his heart flips and it isn’t in pain. “I don’t think you understand how hard it has been for me.”

“It wasn’t easy for me either?” Zhengting says unsurely because Xukun’s gaze knocks him off kilter. Suddenly all of him is bare, like the glass pieces that made up his shell slowly breaking off piece by piece.

“But you left me.”

“I left because I didn’t want to see you die.” Zhengting points out. “I don’t want to see my kids die because of your cause. I might believe in you, Xukun, but you’re only human at the end of the day.”

“I know.” Xukun says, and he sounds apologetic, but Zhengting knows he’s anything but. Xukun will never regret dying for his cause, dying if it meant being that much closer to a better world.

Zhengting didn’t fault him for it. Not anymore.

“I’m sorry.” Zhengting says, and the way Xukun’s eyes widen should be comical. “I’m sorry you had to build this alone.”

Xukun nods and it’s slow, in the way he was taking in Zhengting’s words. “I’m sorry too.” And Xukun who is always so sure of himself suddenly sounds unsure. It’s the first time Zhengting has ever seen Xukun so suddenly uncertain, no plan, no direction, nothing. “I’m so sorry.”

That’s all Zhengting needs to hear.

He reaches up carefully, hand reaching behind, to the back of Xukun’s neck and pulling him so close that their breaths are one.

The kiss is slow, sweet, and Zhengting thinks that for all the four years of him not knowing where he was going and what they were doing, finally he feels like this moment is exactly where they’re supposed to be. With no one else around them but the world that was in ruins.

And as he leans back to rest his forehead against Xukun’s he can’t help but smile. “You’re going to change the world.” He whispers.

“As long as you’re there next to me.” Xukun replies.

\---

There’s a lull in the period before the big day. They aren’t actually sure what to prepare for and this makes everyone tense. Sometime in between Zhengting finds himself holding his breath because something just doesn’t sit right with him about it all.

Was diplomacy actually an option? With a dictator like Fan Tao?

He just hoped that that was the case.

 

It’s two days later, when they’re about to leave. An explosion starts at one of the outer chambers of the sewers.

Zhengting looks at Xukun, sees the way his body tenses immediately, suddenly becoming a coil that is wound too tight and ready to spring up and they share a glance.

“Please tell me that isn’t what I think it is.” Zhengting says, already up and walking out the door before he can even think about it.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not today. Bingbing had said that the president had been on board with having a civil agreement. Zhengting tastes the betrayal that fills his mouth like bitter cough syrup, entering his throat so he can’t breathe.

Xukun’s eyes narrow into slits when they get to the main area and there is only chaos. “I’m afraid it is.”

Xingjie runs toward them, his cheeks flush with breathlessness.

“They found us.” He says but Zhengting can already see the edges of chaos up ahead and he feels nauseous.

People are running and Zhengting can see that there are soldiers inside.

“Fuck.” He says, before he can even think about it, and he runs head first into the fight.

He trades blow after blow with everyone who comes in sight, using his knife to just cut and cut and cut, not caring for who he was hurting at that moment and only knowing that they were the enemy and they were here to hurt them. He spots Yanchen in the mess, standing over two dead bodies with his axe swung over his shoulder. He glances once at Zhengting, mouth tight into a grim line, before he swings his ax back down onto another man’s head.

He sees Justin up ahead. Fighting a man in hand to hand combat and his heart stops. It takes his one, two, three, too many strides to get there and when he does the man has a knife pressed to Justin’s neck and he grins at the look on Zhengting’s face as he approaches.

“Is this yours?” He asks, purposefully digging his knife into Justin’s neck, breaking skin. The sight of Justin’s blood makes Zhengting see nothing but bright, hot, red.

“Zhengting don’t!” Justin calls out, but Zhengting is already moving, pushing the man down and slashing again and again and again. Until he stops moving and there is a long gash on Zhengting’s arm and he’s not sure if the blood that pools under his feet is the man’s or his.

“Go back inside, Justin.” He says, already checking Justin over with panicked hands. There is a cut on his collarbone but no other largely worrying injuries and Zhengting feels the relief wash through him. “You can’t stay here.”

“Yes I can.” Justin says, and he’s staring at Zhengting’s arm. “You can’t make me sit back while you put yourself in danger.”

“Justin.” Zhengting says and he isn’t even sure they should be talking here, in the middle of a battle, but the soldiers are dwindling in number and Zhengting is sure that there are only a few left. (He doesn’t want to think about how many of the bodies are Incendiaries) “This is not for us to debate.”

“Fan Tao.” Justin says and he’s glaring at Zhengting with so much intensity, his voice carefully trying not to sound as angry as he is. “He’s outside, Chengcheng is trying to get to him.”

“How do you know that?”

“We went outside after the explosion.” Justin explains and he pushes Zhengting’s hands away. “I came back to tell you.”

Zhengting makes a move to get up but Justin grabs onto his uninjured arm, his nails digging into the flesh. “You aren’t going without me.”

Zhengting forcefully pries Justin’s hand off, one finger at a time. “No, Justin.” He says and it takes all his strength and his arm stings in the effort but he manages to pull Justin’s hand off somehow. “If anything happens to you I’ll never be able to forgive myself.”

“And if anything happens _to you_?” Justin counters and he gets up, pulling Zhengting with him. “Zhengting, you can’t keep us out of this, not when they’re the ones who came to us. We have to fight too, to protect this place.”

“Nothing will happen to me.” Zhengting says, but that was an empty promise and Justin knows that. Finally, he sighs in frustration because there’s no convincing Justin, not when he had that look in his eyes and Zhengting would rather know where he was than have him hurt himself alone. “ _Fine_ , you can come along. But stay close and don’t do anything stupid.”

“It’s you I’m worried about.” Justin mutters as they run through what was left of the sewers.

They push through the rubble, fighting what little comes to stop them and pulling each other along. Finally Zhengting is able to make his way to the surface, the beams of the sun hitting his face.

Outside, Xukun stands, standing defiantly and staring down at a man that Zhengting assumes is Fan Tao. Fan Tao holds out a gun, hands shaking and eyes manic and Zhengting almost freezes up.

He slips out of Justin’s grasp and runs before Justin can even think to stop him, ignoring the shout of his name.

“No!” He yells, but Xukun just lifts a hand to stop him when he gets close.

“We want peace.” He says to Fan Tao, voice steady and Zhengting wonders how he could keep himself stable when the world around them had just been run through a blender.

“You brainwashed my son.” And there is a special quality in Fan Tao’s eyes that tell Zhengting that he isn’t all there. “You took him away from me.”

“We didn’t take your son from you.” Xukun tries to be placating but Fan Tao keeps the gun trained on him. “Chengcheng left on his own free will.”

And he glances once, at Zhengting, and it’s panicked. A mistake. Tells too much. Tells Fan Tao of what Xukun finds important, and that moment of weakness is all the madman needs.

Zhengting stares down at the barrel of the gun and he’s only relieved that it wasn’t pointed at Xukun anymore.

“You took away something important to me.” Fan Tao says, hysterical laughter bubbling from his lips. “Let me take something from you.”

A gunshot sounds.

And then another.

Zhengting stares as Fan Tao drops to the ground and Chengcheng is revealed.

He stood there, a gun in his hand- _Zhengting’s gun_ -tears freely flowing from his eyes.

Pain rips through Zhengting as he collapses to the ground. The bullet tears through Zhengting and he doesn’t think he’s felt pain like this before.

He can hear Xukun yelling through the ringing in his ears, but it doesn’t matter much to him, now, because Chengcheng still has a smoking gun in his hand and he had just killed his own father.

Even after he had dropped the gun and ran to Zhengting, Zhengting’s eyes are still on Fan Tao, dead.

Through the white noise that fills his senses, he hears Chengcheng’s voice. “You can’t die, you asshole.”

Zhengting cries, and _oh_ he’s bleeding and Xukun is moving in quick panicked movements over his body while calling out for Yue Yue.

But Zhengting’s not crying because of the bullet in his body, he’s crying because of the bullet in the President’s head. And he cries for Chengcheng and all he had lost.

Even as his vision goes black, his only all-consuming thought is, _I failed to protect him_.

“I’m sorry.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guess who's back after almost three weeks! this chapter was so hard to write i couldn't even force myself to write it orz
> 
> this story is coming to an end (the next chapter will be the last) and i'd just like to say thank you for everyone who supported this work and kept up with my bullshit i love you all
> 
> i'll be starting a multichaptered fic after this ends (it's a debate between zhengjun or biting help me choose) so look out for that
> 
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHENGCHENG THIS IS MY BDAY GIFT TO YOU, SON


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the pieces finally fall into place

When Zhengting wakes up, the first thing he sees is the bright white lights coming from the ceilings. He blinks his eyes into focus before pushing himself up to a sitting position. The jarring pain in his abdomen wakes him up completely and he winces as he reminds him that _oh he was shot_ and for a second he thinks he’s sitting in the medical bay of the sewers.

But he isn’t, this room was too nice compared to the sewers, too clean and pristine, with white walls and white sheets. It reminds him of the one time he had been taken to the hospital before the world’s end. He had a really high fever and Wenjun had panicked and brought him there, not knowing what else to do. Knowing they probably couldn’t pay the bill, he had jumped out the window, and ran as soon as no one was looking.

Now, looking at the clean bandages wrapped around his torso and the monitor showing his vital signs, he contemplates jumping out of the window again, but the door opens before the thought could take hold.

Yue Yue enters the room, sees him awake, and drops the clipboard in his hand.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, coming to Zhengting’s side to check the monitor beside him. “Does anything hurt?”

“Hell yeah.” Zhengting hisses through clenched teeth. Now that Yue Yue pointed it out, his abdomen felt like it was burning and he felt like all around shit. “I don’t even know what’s not hurting.”

Yue Yue just rolls his eyes like a good doctor. “You were shot.” He says, pressing Zhengting back onto the bed before pouring him a glass of water from the table. “I would imagine that a lot of things must hurt right now.”

“Where are we?” He asks, whipping his eyes around the room again for emphasis.

“We’re at a hospital.” Yue Yue replies and even he looks like he can’t really believe it. “Right next to Nexus.”

Zhengting is pretty sure his brain short circuits. “What the fuck.”

“I know.”

“Fan Tao?” Zhengting asks and he really wishes that the image in his head of the President with a bullet in his head was just a side effect of being shot.

Yue Yue’s face twists into a grimace and Zhengting can’t help but wince at the answer that’s presented to him. “He’s dead.” He says and Zhengting isn’t shocked. “But you already know that.”

Zhengting nods, feels tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. “Unfortunately.” He blinks furiously, breathing a little too heavily. “Can you call them in?”

Yue Yue gives him a once over before making a sound that was akin to protest. “I think you should rest a little bit more. You shouldn’t stress yourself out.”

“Not seeing them is stressing me out.” Zhengting grasps Yue Yue’s hand, eyes dead serious as he speaks. “I’ve been asleep for way too long. Let me see my kids.”

Yue Yue just nods at him, lips pressed into a line, hesitant, knowing, but he leaves the room anyways, grants Zhengting’s request.

When Chengcheng enters the room, the strings that hold Zhengting and tether him to stability finally breaks.

His heart tinged with what he was sure was not because of any physical ailments, like paint spreading in water. Until he was gasping and burning not with the death of someone he did not care for, but because of the damage it caused someone he did.

He thinks that he has no right to be so sad, to mourn in front of Chengcheng, not when the younger has lost too much, way too much for someone his age. But Zhengting lets the tears fall anyways, because there were never any secrets between them, not since he had found the boy laying on the side of the road so very long ago.

“I’m sorry.” He says and it sounds like a confession, something he would whisper in the emptiness of a desolate church. “I’m so sorry.”

Chengcheng shakes his head and he’s a lot more put together than Zhengting is, probably having more time to stew in his thoughts, come to terms with it. Finally, he says, “I told you before, stop blaming yourself.”

He comes closer to Zhengting, to his side, crawling into the small bed, tears and all, and hugging him like he was a child seeking comfort after a nightmare. “I thought you were going to die.” He says, hushed, afraid of even the idea of it. “I don’t regret doing what I did.”

Chengcheng’s face is tucked into Zhengting’s neck and it’s weird and wet and his side and stomach protest in pain, but Zhengting could hardly give a shit at that moment. Zhengting runs a hand through Chengcheng’s hair, placating, soft, and he asks. “How are you feeling?”

Chengcheng laughs into the hollow of his collarbone and it’s a lot more than Zhengting could ever ask for. He knows Chengcheng isn’t wholly okay, but he also knows that this much is enough for now. He’ll talk in his own time.

“You got shot.” Chengcheng says, and he’s laughing again, giggling, maybe a little hysterical. “You really shouldn’t be worried about me right now.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m fine.” Chengcheng says, juvenile, and there’s a pause. “It’s hard, but Bingbing is helping, the others too.”

Zhengting hums, not pressing the topic any further, letting Chengcheng bask in the silence for a few minutes, and when the sniffling calms down he speaks again. “Speaking of the others, where are they?”

“Pressed up against the door, trying to listen in.”

As if cued by this, the door swings open and Justin struts in with all the flourish he can muster, even after tripping over his gangly legs. “You’re awake.” He says and there is a bitterness in his voice that Zhengting is a little afraid of. “How nice of you to still be alive after giving me a heart attack.”

The rest trail in, not even looking a little bit abashed at being caught.

“Good morning to you too, Justin.” Zhengting says all dry humor and exasperated tones.

“It’s 3 in the afternoon, you dumb fuck.” Justin retorts and Zhengting makes a noise of protest which is cut off by a pointed cough.

“You remember how we talked about you letting us protect you?” Zeren says, and Zhengting tries to look guilty. “Yeah, why is it that I remember that conversation but you don’t seem to?”

There’s always been a distinct look in Zeren’s eyes, especially when they’re wide and pointed at a specific target, like he was unhinged somewhat, ready to jump and scream like a banshee straight out of the depths of hell.

Zhengting plays with Chengcheng’s fingers, suddenly deeming them the most important thing. “I’m sorry for worrying you.” He says and he means it. He doesn’t regret risking his life, but he does regret the frown that etches itself on their faces, the relief that is badly concealed by faux contempt.

“Oh yes,” Zeren replies, and he’s smiling threateningly wide and crazed. “You will be very sorry. Very soon.”

“What he means to say is-” Wenjun says, pushing Zeren lightly to the side and glaring at him, “-that we were very worried and we hope that now we are no longer under a dictatorship you decide to lay off being stupid. “

“I think I can do that.” Zhengting replies, a little mirth in his voice.

It’s a series of worry and love concealed by death threats from there and Zhengting is relieved that normalcy is something that was so easy to reach after everything. The outside world almost slips his mind, except…

“Where’s Xukun?”

“That took you a while. How much did you struggle with not asking?” Justin snorts, and he sits down dramatically on the chair in the corner of the room. He’s still obviously a little annoyed at Zhengting and Zhengting can’t blame him for it. He’ll get over it.

“Justin.” Zhengting warns, his brow twitching with the need to be patient.

Justin tilts his chin up defiantly at Zhengting and the room goes silent. Finally, he sighs, deflating and smiling a little which Zhengting returns with a roll of his eyes. “Xukun has been running around everywhere.” Justin says. “He and Bingbing are busy rebuilding and discussing what should be done now.”

Zhengting nods, understanding, knowing Xukun was probably working himself to the bone. This was it, he had done everything Zhengting said he would die trying to do. “He must be busy then.”

Despite all his efforts, Zhengting couldn’t repress the yawn that escapes him, his eyes watering.

“You should rest.” Wenjun says.

“But-”

“Even Chengcheng is asleep.” Wenjun cuts him off. True to his word, Chengcheng had fallen asleep beside him, his head on Zhengting’s shoulder and breath fanning his collarbone. Wenjun raises his brow when Zhengting looks back up at him, his protest dying in his throat. “Rest, Zhengting.”

Zhengting gives up, relaxing into the softness of the bed, and letting his eyelids dip down. It doesn’t take him long to fall asleep.

\---

Zhengting wakes up and the room is dark and the six other boys have left. Even Chengcheng was gone from his side, his warmth completely gone.

“You’re awake.”

Zhengting jolts up on the bed, heart hammering in his chest as his eyes snap towards the figure on the side of the bed. There Xukun sat, reclined into the seat and eyes trained on Zhengting’s face and Zhengting thinks Xukun looks a little like a predator.

Zhengting places a hand on his heart, feeling the rapid _thump-thump-thumping_ as his breath starts to even out. “You scared me.” He says, and the corner of Xukun’s mouth lifts up. “How long have you been sitting there, you creep?”

“Long enough.” Xukun says, hardly apologetic. “Lie back down.”

Zhengting ignores him in favor of saying. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been good. Lie back down or your stitches are going to tear.”

“How is the general public taking it?”

“Would you listen to me for once?” Xukun huffs, exasperated. He reaches over, pushes Zhengting down by his shoulders. “We can talk about that while you lie down.”

Zhengting sits back up, winces at the sting. “But-”

Xukun pushes him back, hands on both his shoulders, eyes narrowing. “If you don’t listen to me, I’m walking out of this room.”

“Fine.” Zhengting deflates, pouting. He looks at Xukun’s face, eyes flickering down to his plump lips then back to his eyes.

Xukun rolls his eyes, leans a little closer and captures Zhengting’s lips in his. Zhengting’s hands lift, tangling in Xukun’s hair, pulling him closer and he smells like soot and ash and everything just right and his lungs fill with fire and heat. “I love you.” Xukun whispers. Breathes. Kisses again. “You can’t do this to me again.” His hands hover over the bandages over Zhengting’s abdomen, fingers tracing, careful and soft.

“I don’t have to anymore.” Zhengting giggles, and he’s a little delirious, high on Xukun’s lips and his touches. “You did it.”

“This wouldn’t have been possible if you didn’t come back to us. To the sewers.” Xukun smiles and it’s melancholic, thinking back. “You made this possible.”

“We’re going to have to thank Zhenghao for that.” Zhengting laughs. Maybe a few months ago he would’ve snorted at the idea of even speaking civilly with Xukun, and yet here they were. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Yeah we should.” Xukun says, mirthful. Then he’s leaning down again and Zhengting is way too pleased.

“Go to sleep.” He whispers when Zhengting has to stifle a yawn against his lips.

“I’ve been sleeping the whole day.”

“The person who was shot has no right to complain.” Xukun presses him down, runs his hand through Zhengting’s hair soothingly. “You need to rest so you can get better. We have all the time in the world to talk when you’re well.”

And Zhengting believes him. Because now in the world that’s fixed, bandaged up ugly and stitched, Zhengting thinks that tomorrow is something he can actually look forward to. A tomorrow with Xukun did not sound bad at all.

He falls asleep dreaming to the sound of a quiet “I love you.”

\---

The dilapidated structure in front of Zhengting shouldn’t have made him feel as much as he did.

But as he stares at what once was his home for three years, he can’t help but mourn the loss. This was where they had felt stability for the first time since the world ended, where they had taken Chengcheng in and learned that the government was so much more than just evil. This was where Xukun told him he wanted to build a home with him.

_“It’s not much,” Xukun says as he leads Zhengting through the trees to a clearing. The house was quaint, not exactly small, but homey enough with its size. “You can’t have a white fence or anything, and we’ll have to defend it from mutts. But it means we don’t have to keep moving around as much, and we don’t have to stay in the city.”_

_Zhengting feels the breath catch in his throat, the beginnings of tears threaten to prick his eyes as he stares at what could be something he had never had and he turns to Xukun with the biggest, brightest smile. “It’s perfect.” He says between kisses. “I love it.”_

_For a few weeks, it was their solace, something that resembled home, but Xukun could never stay away from a fight. He couldn’t live in a home knowing others lived in hell._

_When he tells Zhengting of the sewers, Zhengting wants to say no, to tell Xukun that they can’t, that they shouldn’t get involved. But there is a fire in his eyes and Zhengting is set aflame before he can even say a word._

_And when he leaves the sewers, with his family in tow, he brings them back to this house. And this was all they needed, he thought._

“It’s dangerous out here.”

Zhengting doesn’t turn, doesn’t acknowledge the words, but he does lean back when Xukun wraps himself around him. He is vaguely aware of the mutt’s corpse Xukun kicks away.

“What are you thinking about?” Xukun asks, his breath fanning Zhengting’s ear.

“This house.” The foundations of the house barely hold it together. It had been flipped completely over by the soldiers and it resembles a carcass of everything he once knew. “I used to think this would be where I would live the rest of my life.”

Xukun makes a noise, understanding, and his hum thrums through Zhengting’s body. “We can have it rebuilt. If you want.”

“No.” Zhengting spares one last glance at the structure. Turns around so he’s looking at Xukun, faces inches apart. “I’m done isolating myself.” He had thought being away was better. He had ignored the pain in his chest and the yearning in his stomach in favor of what he thought was better, avoidance-apathy.

“Are you sure?” Xukun’s gaze is probing, worried, and Zhengting is entirely too in love.

“I don’t need this house to have a home.” Zhengting says, and he’s pressing forward again, breathing in all of Xukun that he can. “The world you built is home enough.”

And Zhengting, in the midst of it all, finds that the world hadn’t ended at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. i guess if anyone is still reading this i'd just like to say thank you so so much for giving this story your time and for putting up with my bad and really late updates. this story is my first chaptered fic for this fandom and it is my baby of sorts, my really ugly baby. thank you guys so much for all of your support i'm really grateful. truly.
> 
> BUT ALSO. THIS ISN'T THE END. sort of. there are a lot of scenes that i didn't get to involve in this story and i have always wanted to write out so i guess look forward to that. i'll delve more into how zhengkun got together, and how they broke up. the lives before and after.
> 
> THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH ONCE AGAIN AND I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell with me on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/zhuzhting)


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